My Grandpa Got Ran Over by a BEWD
by The Clow Hatter
Summary: The most stupidest Yu-gi-oh christmas fic you'll ever see or hear about. Don't read it! Save yourself and go far far away from it! *COMPLETE!!!* Yay! Yay!
1. The Theme Song

My Grandpa Got Ran Over by a Blue Eyes White Dragon  
  
Note: The most stupidest X-mas ficcy I'll ever write. Featuring pretty much all the cast of Yu-gi-oh and Vanessa from "I'm a Coward." With Yaoi and Anzu bashing and pointless stuff. A spoof of "Grandma got ran over by a Reindeer", but less saner. Whee!!   
  
ENJOY!   
  
-CAST-  
  
DRAGONS  
Blue Eyes White Dragons: Tidus, Excaliber, and CHI CHI!  
Daisy, the Pink Yoshi  
Red Eyes Black Dragon: Tobias  
Petit Dragon: KiKi  
Manga Ryu Ran: Ryo-ran  
Baby Dragon: Taz  
  
DUELISTS  
Yugi, Jounouchi, Seto, Isis, Mai, & Ryou  
  
YAMIS  
Bakura, Yami Malik/Isthar, & Yami Yugi/Yami  
  
BAD GUYS  
Anzu, Kemo, and some worthless employees at Kaiba Corp we will not mention.  
  
OTHERS  
Honda, Otogi, Mokuba, Sugoroku, Vanessa-the natorrater, Pegasus, Dark Rabbit, Magician of Black Chaos, Toon Magician Girl, Dark Magician, Celtic Guardian, Flame Swordsman, MR. JIGGLES!!!, & Lord of D.  
  
****  
  
The audiance in the cafe had turned their attention to the amateur stage, willing to chant a delightful tale of the wonders and joys of the winter season.   
  
Instead, they got a bi-polar author who came from a dysfuntional family who was going to tell a biazarre tail, which was about to happen. She was sitting on a stool as her uncle's guitar was on her lap. She then look at her mic and began her strange holiday classical tail.  
  
(Bi-Polar: half severely depressed/half extremely hyper)   
  
"The tale I wish to tell you begins begins with this simple song," Vanessa said as she struck a cord, "well..."  
  
****  
  
I seen someone Grandpa got run over by a dragon   
And it turns out to be one of Seto's legendary Blue Eyes.   
You can say there's no such thing for these legendary dragons coming to life,   
But then again, we can blame this incident on Chi Chi.  
  
(Chi Chi: HEY!!!! *waves tail*)   
  
Now after our crazy adventures in the Battle City...  
We were about to spend this relaxing holiday at our town.   
But then, Seto's Blues Eyes started doing something that was definately not MATING!   
And caused us to chase them through the snow. La la la la...   
  
When we found those dragons, a horror was placed onto our eyes  
It was Yugi' grandpa who was the one attacked.  
(Chi Chi: *whistles as a halo appears on his head to make him look innocent*)   
There were bite marks all over his body   
And incriminatin' dragon marks on his back.   
  
I seen someone Grandpa got run over by a dragon   
And it turns out to be one of Seto's legendary Blue Eyes.   
You can say there's no such thing as these dragons coming to life,   
But then again, we can blame this incident on Chi Chi.  
  
(Chi Chi: But I didn't do it...honest!)   
  
Now we do not know what to do in this crazed holiday situation.   
But strangely Anzu is taking this tragedy far very well...   
She plans to use her ex-Aunt to sue Kaiba-boy for $40 billion dollars  
Now it's up to the puppy and the gang to stop this money driven who....  
  
(Yami: Shh! Not in front of the kids! This is a "PG-13 FIC!!!"   
Vanessa: Oh sorry...)  
  
Well...  
It's not Christmas without Grandpa and those prized dragons.   
This is the strangest case that we ever got ourselves into  
And the only one who could solve this dilemmia...   
Is the silver hair gentleman who created those dragons in the first place!!   
  
I seen someone Grandpa got run over by a dragon   
And it turns out to be one of Seto's legendary Blue Eyes.   
You can say there's no such thing as these dragons coming to life,   
But then again, we can blame this incident on Chi Chi.  
  
(Chi Chi: Seto made us do it, yeah! Blame Seto! Hee hee hee!)   
  
Now Christmas is coming around the corner   
And if we don't find out who cause this incident....   
We'll have some stupid friendship ranting wretch taking over Kaiba Corp.  
(Seto: OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!)  
Should we then summoned "Lord of D"?  
  
I should had warned all my friends and neighbors.   
But they should have known better  
The only advice I can give is "if you have or own any dragons...  
PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU TREAT THEM VERY WELL, ESPECIALLY DURING THE CHRISTMAS CHEER!!!!"  
  
Well...  
I seen someone Grandpa got run over by a dragon   
And it turns out to be one of Seto's legendary Blue Eyes.   
You can say there's no such thing as these dragons coming to life,   
But then again, we can blame this incident on Chi Chi!!!  
  
(Chi Chi: *raises his head as he howls*)  
  
****  
  
The author finished her biazzare tale. And everyone was shocked...  
  
Glasses filled with egg nog stood still of the utter silence in the cafe.  
  
She looked at everyone, seeing the look of their faces and then she lowered her head, clutching onto her uncle's guitar.  
  
"I hate Christmas," Vanessa replied, "my family fights like hell over the holidays. Why doesn't someone get me a gift I want to have...like a bottle of cynide?"  
  
There was a slight cough. She then looked at the crowd of shocked people once more.  
  
"Fine," Vanessa muttered, "I'll continue on this stupid tale..."  
  
And so she did.  
  
****  
  
Next up...the bizzare ficcy! And bad "rod" jokes! Wheee!  
  
-The Clow Hatter 


	2. Seto doesn't like Chi Chi

My Grandpa Got Ran Over by a Blue Eyes White Dragon  
  
Note: The most stupidest X-mas ficcy I'll ever write. Featuring pretty much all the cast of Yu-gi-oh and Vanessa from "I'm a Coward." With Yaoi and Anzu bashing and pointless stuff. A spoof of "Grandma got ran over by a Reindeer", but less saner. Whee!!   
  
ENJOY!   
  
Oh Indy, you characters are in here...for a bit.  
  
-Prologue-  
  
So..where shall be begin to tell this crazed story of a nonsensical Christmas special?  
  
"Hey...Kabia," a familiar voice chanted, "Hey Kaiba. Hey Kaiba. Hey Kaiba. Hey Kaiba...."  
  
An aguish cry was heard throughout the mansion as empty shotgun shells fell onto the ground.  
  
Yes, it's Christmas time again at the Kaiba mansion...with a unexpected visitor that Mr. Seto "I'm a big shot billionarie who's an hold hearted insentive jerk and runs a ruthless cooperation" Kaiba did not appericate in his home. He was holding his prized shotgun as the visitor looked at him, after avoiding countless fires from his gun.   
  
"Aww..." the Dark Rabbit taunted as he looked at Seto, "can't you at least be nice to us Toons? It's Christmas for crying out loud!"  
  
Seto fired his gun again and the wrasically black wrabbit quickly scretch his body to avoid the shot once more!  
  
Now Kaiba-boy was pissed.  
  
"Who invited you in here in the first place?!!" Seto hissed as he gave a dangerously icey glare at the black bunny.  
  
"I was invited by one of your dragons," the bunny replied, "I think he goes by the name of Chi Chi."  
  
Chi Chi...  
  
Seto gripped onto his shotgun tightly. Oh that pesky three foot tall Blue Eyes Toon Dragon was going to get it THIS TIME!!! He turned away and called upon one of his loyal dragons.  
  
"Oh Chi Chi..." Seto said in a dark eerie tone.  
  
Chi Chi then appeared, approaching Seto has he gripped onto his favourite plushie...Mr. Funny Rabbit. The small toon dragon could sense he was in big doo-doo and knew his master was awfully angry with him. He gripped onto his plushie, causing the stuffed pink rabbit to squeak as he look up at Seto, trying to look weak and innocent like Yugi.   
  
"Yes...Setyo..?" Chi Chi weakly replied.   
  
Seto wasn't buying Chi Chi's "innocent act". He holded his arms as he glared at the toon dragon.  
  
"What did I tell you about Toon creatures?" Seto began.  
  
"What Toon creatures?" Chi Chi replied at he moved his head back and forth, "I no see Toon creatures here. Nope. Nope."  
  
"The Dark Rabbit is a *toon* creature and he's here in my mansion."  
  
"Oh. So why can't he stay? He's a friewnd. Can we let him stay...plewse?"  
  
That does it! Seto grabbed the shotgun and began whacking the runty Blue Eyes constantly with it. Chi Chi yelped in vain as the handle of the shotgun was smacked upon his head.  
  
"NO, HE CAN'T STAY!!!" Seto yelled as he kept whacking the dragon, "BECAUSE WE HATE TOONS AND WE WANT TO HATE THEM!!! THAT'S THE WAY IT SHOULD BE!!!"  
  
Then Seto kicked Chi Chi, which sent the three foot tall toon dragon sprawling onto the floor in pain. The dragon gave whimpers as he held onto his Funny Rabbit plushie.  
  
Seto couldn't believe that this whimp of a dragon once was his legendary powerful Blue Eyes White Dragon. And since he's a toon...there was no way in hell Seto could create the Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon...his most powerful fushion creature.  
  
He had to look away from Chi Chi.  
  
"Get the rabbit out of here," Seto growled, "and don't you dare even think of coming back till you're proven worthy of being branded a Blue Eyes White Dragon!"   
  
"Yes...Setyo.." Chi Chi said weakly.   
  
Seto left the two worthless Toon creatures by themselves. The Dark Rabbit went up to Chi Chi, who had taken a really bad beating from his "loving master".  
  
"Man," Dark Rabbit said as he placed a comforting gloved hand on the dragon, "this is even worse than the beating you took when you fought Pegasus in the finals of the Duelist Kingdom. Why don't you ditch Seto and become someone else's Blue Eyes?"  
  
Ditch Seto? He wanted to do that...but Seto had three things that were important to his life; his older brothers, the remaining Blue Eyes White Dragons, and Mokuba.  
  
But why does Seto hate Toons so much? Is it because of Pegasus? Or is it because he's ashamed to have a Blue Eyes Toon Dragon in his deck? There has to be a reason why Seto is so mean to these cute defenseless creatures.   
  
Chi Chi could only reply with a howl and the Dark Rabbit patted the weaken toon dragon. The Funny Rabbit plushie squeaked again.   
  
****  
  
Two mages were at a local bookstore, dressed in casual clothing. They were seeking for a new sketchbook for a local female master.  
  
Yet one mage was drawn to that "certain" section. He was flipping throught the pages, laying his eyes onto the various positions couples will take during their...ahem...love making sessions.   
  
The Black Magician confronted him.  
  
"Chaos..." the Black Magician began, "what are you doing here?"  
  
"Oh haven't you heard, Blackie?" Chaos cooed, "My plan for the holidays is to fu..."  
  
"Chaos!! WE CAN'T SAY THAT OR DO THAT ACTIVITY IN HERE!!!! THIS IS AN PG-13 RATED FIC!!!"   
  
"Oh well, then I just have to left her 'change the rating' when this fic is over."  
  
"Sometimes, I wonder how you became the most powerful magician in the game."  
  
"And I wonder why you let Celtic make you his bi..."  
  
The violet haired gave a very icey glare at blue skinned mage.  
  
"Don't you dare talk about Celtic like that, you bisexual freak!!" the Black Magician hissed.   
  
"Oooh," Chaos replied with a sly grin in his face as he looked back at him, "I made Blakie mad."  
  
"Grrr..."  
  
****  
  
It was Christmas time once more....  
  
And Anzu hated it.  
  
Oh she hated it since all her boy toys were busy...playing with their "rods" with each other. Yami and Yugi were helping their Grandpa making Christmas treats. The scent of the home-made goods could drive anyone to want them. These treats shall be perfect for Domino City Ch  
  
But we all know that something else was stirring as well, yet we won't tell you because this AIN'T NO "R"-RATED FIC!!!   
  
Shizuka was going Christmas shopping with Honda and Otagi as they try to find a presents during the hustle and bustle. Pegasus was glad to have his wife returned to him. How did Cecilia return?   
  
Pegasus said that it was a promise that a ragweed girl wanted Cecilia to keep...yet she sought she was to be Cecilia's love, not Pegasus.   
  
After seeing a picture of Seto Kabia dressed in tight leather and posing with his Blue Eyes, Jou was paying a visit to Excaliber and Tidus.  
  
Grrr...  
  
Ryou, Bakura, Malik, and Marik were going to spend their holidays together. And yes...the ROD WILL BE WITH THEM. And you do know what rod I'm talking about. *smirk*   
  
THAT'S IT!!! It has to be that ragweed girl's fault that she can't be with her Yami and Yugi won't go away!! Anzu never saw that it was her ruthless attitude and lame attempts to befriend Yugi, which caused the 5000 year old spirit to loathe her.   
  
But she can easily blame it on Vanessa. Therefore she must pay and perish!!  
  
She turned around and saw someone. It was Yugi's grandpa who was just delivering another batch of Christmas treats to where the bakesale was going to be held.  
  
Anzu removed her deck from her coat pocket as she gave a slight grin. Vanessa wasn't going to be the only brunnette that could bring these creatures to life, without the use of an items or technology.   
  
This Christmas...everyone shall pay, especially that Vanessa!  
  
****  
  
Who says Christmas wasn't a busy holiday? For a guardian of the dead and keeper of the sacred legendary millieum items...it was very busy.  
  
Anubis, for people who had read "Dog Days" will know who he was before, had finally decided to give a little decoration to his underground home, covering it with oraments, silky ribbons, and tinsel.  
  
Then...some tinsel was stuck upon his long black tail. It didn't bother him, but it drove him into temptation that every dog goes into.  
  
And so the God of the Dead was struck running around in circles, chasing his own tail constantly.  
  
"Scale," Ankh began, "maybe you should take that tinsel of his tail now."  
  
"No," Scale grinned as he watched his master running around in circles.  
  
"But Scale! Look at him! He'll be at this ALL DAY!!"  
  
"I know, but think about it. We can do whatever we want while master is busy entertaing himself."  
  
"....Scale, you're mean."  
  
"Why, thank you."  
  
****  
  
Okay kiddies. Email a reason why Seto is racist towards Toons creatures and the best one shall be in the ficcy.  
  
Other than that, review, review review!  
  
-The Clow Hatter 


	3. You turned my God into a TOON!

My Grandpa Got Ran Over by a Blue Eyes White Dragon  
  
Note: The most stupidest X-mas ficcy I'll ever write. Featuring pretty much all the cast of Yu-gi-oh and Vanessa from "I'm a Coward." With Yaoi and Anzu bashing and pointless stuff. A spoof of "Grandma got ran over by a Reindeer", but less saner. Whee!!   
  
ENJOY!   
  
Oh yeah another new Toon creature shall be created, the TOON God, Dragon Ra. And if you wanna see drawings of Chi Chi and more stuff, go to the following URL.  
  
URL: http://www.angelfire.com/realm2/anti_c_u/artwork.html  
  
Yes, chicks do DIG Toon Dragons.  
  
****  
  
Some scenes of Yu-Gi-Oh I'll love to see:  
-You know when Tea tries to stop Yami from killing off Kaiba. Well, she fails...because she got into the way of the Celtic's attack and leads the "friendship ranting witch" impaled on the elf's sword. Yay.  
-In the Mai vs. Yami battle, Kuriboh can't take anymore of Mai's insults and goes kamazi on her...which leads to a massive explosion that takes a huge chuck out of Pegasus' castle and kills everyone in the process. Mai, next time...DON'T INSULT THE CUTE WIDDLE KURIBOHS OF DEATH!!!!  
-When Seto is about to kill himself, Yami says "Go on and jump". This leads all the Kuribohs, the decaying Blue Eyes, the reserrected Blue Eyes, and Celtic Guardian all cheering on Seto to "jump".  
  
Okay. Back to the story.  
  
****  
  
Chiriko, the Blue Eyes White Dragon, wasn't the only victim to fall under the spell of "Toon World" from a dark sinister silver hair gentleman....  
  
Malik, leader of the Ghouls...an elite of theives who steal the rarest cards from other players in duels, had his own prized card turned inton a Toon.  
  
Well...  
  
It wasn't a regular card. It was more like a FOBBIDDEN GOD CARD!!!  
  
Malik thought that if Yugi can defeat Pegasus...so can he.  
  
What Malik didn't count on that Pegasus already knew that Malik was going to pull the old "let's switch with my yami or my hikari when he tries to probe either minds", So Pegasus was well prepared when Malik did that with his yami.  
  
And he gave the young lad from the Isthar clan such a ruthless and humiluating defeat by turning the most powerful and final God Card created in the game...  
  
In a small golden griffin cub creature...  
  
A Toon God.  
  
****  
  
Bakura, Ryou, and Isthar were circling the griffin, gazing all their eyes on the once powerful God...who was now reduced as an awfully cute little griffin cub who wore a white shirt that had a golden sun on it. The golden "Toon" God was busily cleaning his feathers with his golden encrusted beak while the others looked at him.  
  
"Well," Isthar began, "I can now certainly throw my plans of turning the world into an eternal nightmare in the trash now."   
  
"I think Ra looks kinda cute like this," Ryou said as he petted the griffin. Ra then gave a soft mummering purr and raised his head to let the humble hikari stroke underneath his beak.   
  
"I think he looks more like a wimp," Bakura muttered as he looked upon the golden griffin, "can't we just eat this damn freaky bird?"  
  
Malik turn to eye Bakura, giving him an icey glare.  
  
"We are not going to harm a finger on Ra!!!" Malik growled, "He may be a pitful Toon creature, but he is the most powerful creature in the entire game! Not your main entree for the day!!! He's out diety for crying out loud!!!"  
  
"Whatever...the God sure does look tastey."  
  
The creature gave a soft whimper as he ran behind Ryou, shivering in fear while Bakura was looking at it and licking his lips, wondering how to prepare this golden griffin to a tasty edible entree.  
  
Isthar then pulled out his milliuem item as he was getting up to leave.  
  
"I'll leave you all alone with him," Isthar said, "while I go play with my rod."  
  
Rod...?!  
  
The griffin cub raised his head and his big cherry red eyes were sparkling with exciment as they laid upon the legendary milliuem rod.  
  
"Rowd!" Toon Dragon Ra cried out, "Rowd!!!!"  
  
The griffin spreaded out his wings and flew to pounce Malik's yami...in hopes to play with the golden "rod". Isthar gave a cry as he was tackle upon from the golden griffin cub. The Toon diety placed his paws of the milliuem rod as he tried to pry it out the yami's hands.  
  
This then lead to a tug-o-war over one of the legendary items.   
  
"Hey!!" Isthar cried as he gripped his rod "Let go of my rod!!!"  
  
"Rowd! Rowd!!!" Toon Dragon Ra kept crying as he peck Isthar's hands.   
  
"YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!"  
  
The dark blonde Egyptian gave a yelp of pain and gave up his grip on the rod. The toon cried happily as he held the rod. Isthar quickly placed his pecked hand near his mouth, suckling it sweetly in order for the pain to at least not hurt as much...  
  
He was upset that he lost his rod to a toon!!!!  
  
Bakura then looked at everyone  
  
"All in favour of finding Pegasus so he can turn this stuffed bird back into a golden deity, say I!" Bakura cried.  
  
The vote was unaminous.   
  
****  
  
Anzu grinned as she looked at her deck. Who would have thought a place like the US had Blue Eyes White Dragons ALL OVER THE PLACE?!  
  
She then pulled out that certain card as she grinned deliously.  
  
"Go!" Anzu cried out, "Blue Eyes White Dragon!!!"   
  
The card then began to emitted a white silver eerie glow as it floated into the air. With a flash of blinding light...  
  
The legendary blue eye had appeared...ready to serve its' master.   
  
By now, Yugi's grandpa had noticed Te...err Anzu and had raise her head to see her.  
  
"Anzu..." Yugi's grandpa began.  
  
"Go my pretty!!!" Anzu cackled as she comanded the legendary Blue Eyes, "KILL! KILL!!!"  
  
"What?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
And with that command, the Blue Eyes White Dragon assaulted the old man. The baked goods were instantly destroyed as Yugi's grandpa was on the ground...bady wiunded from the vicious blue eyes.  
  
Time for plan 2.  
  
Anzu ran towards one of the emergency phones as the Blue Eyes returned to card form. She grabbed the phone and began doing the fakest crying diva she can ever come up with.  
  
"Yes..." Anzu cried on the phone, "I like to report a dragon hit and run. A dragon that's own by Seto Kaiba! I saw with my very own eyes as Seto unleashed his Blue Eyes to attack my own loving grandpa! Oh my god! You must hurry! I don't think he'll live!!! Oh god! HELP HIM PLEASE!!!!!"   
  
(I seen someone Grandpa got run over by a dragon   
And it turns out to be one of Seto's legendary Blue Eyes.   
You can say there's no such thing for these legendary dragons coming to life,   
But then again, we can blame this incident on Chi Chi.)   
  
And so it begins. Newspapers and taloids will have this title smeered on the front page.  
  
"My Grandpa Got Ran Over by a Blue Eyes White Dragon".  
  
****  
  
Yes...  
  
Anzu is a real bi...  
  
Yami: THIS IS A PG-13 fic!!!  
Choas: No, make an "R" rated fic so we can have that naughty nice with me and the virgin master!   
Yami: *glares at the Magician of Black Chaos*  
Chaos: *glares back at Yami*   
  
Sorry. Anyways, review and check out the pics I and some friends had drawn on my site.  
  
Chi Chi: CAUSE CHI CHI SAID SO!!!! *roars*  
  
-The Clow Hatter 


	4. The Return of Mr Jiggles!

My Grandpa Got Ran Over by a Blue Eyes White Dragon  
  
Note: The most stupidest X-mas ficcy I'll ever write. Featuring pretty much all the cast of Yu-gi-oh and Vanessa from "I'm a Coward." With Yaoi and Anzu bashing and pointless stuff. A spoof of "Grandma got ran over by a Reindeer", but less saner. Whee!!   
  
ENJOY!   
  
****  
  
"Perfect" Anzu muttered as she watched the police and newsreporters headed towards the scene of the crime, "now, Vanessa shall pay."  
  
Anzu quickly pulled out her cell phone and dialed a number.  
  
"I've got it done," Anzu said into the phone, "Now it's up to you and Kemo to get rid of those damned toons and the mages."  
  
"Jigglypuff," was the reply on the phone.  
  
Anzu then closed her cell-phone and she put it away. She was going to act like the pathetic cry-baby in hopes everyone shall believe her story.  
  
Of course they'll believe her story. She's Anzu, the kind caring friendship ranting w...   
  
****  
  
Meanwhile...elsewhere in the streets of the city, two strangers were heading towards the local gameshop. One of them was looking at her deck, gazing at the cards she got from fighting a battle she had to win...   
  
And found out her true friend was in love with someone else.   
  
"You were in love with Cecilia?!!" Zero began.  
  
"She was my only true friend..." Vanessa said, "I thought she loved me when she gave me that pendant."  
  
"But she was a woman and already happily married to Pegasus!!"  
  
"I guess I was stupid to think I could love someone like her. All I want is Cecilia-chan to be happy now...even if I'm not the one to share her happiness with her."  
  
Her cheeks fluster a shade of red as she looked up in the snowy skies. How can she be so stupid?! She should have seen that in the first place....  
  
While she was staying at the castle and her friend's souls got stolen by a backstabbing Magician of Black Chaos...she stumbled upon where those "soul prison cards" were being kept and not only did she see the souls of her friends and the 999 duelists who challanged Pegasus trapped into those cards...  
  
She saw her...trapped in a card as well.  
  
Therefore...when she did challanged Pegasus to a duel, she viciously attack all his creatures he placed on the field with whatever she had in her hand. She was blinded by so much hatred that she didn't care if she lost or won the duel...  
  
Or care that the bloody silver haired prick can read minds!!! He killed the woman Vanessa loved!!!  
  
She wanted Cecilia to have a plesent death...NOT HAVING HER SOUL IMPRISONED IN A CARD!!!  
  
Eventually...she won the dark battle. Yet it lead her going slightly insane on the verge of litterally killing the "White Knight" with her living creatures...  
  
Yet she was stopped in doing so when the Toons, her creatures, and even "she" stopped Vanessa from doing harm on Pegasus.  
  
Then everything went black and the next thing Vanessa woke up to was the truth...  
  
Cecilia was alive once more and in the arms of her true lover; Pegasus J. Crawford. How? Why?   
  
It was the promise Vanessa gave to Cecilia when they were little. Vanessa wanted to see Cecilia return to the "ragweed girl" with her true lover and Cecilia took that small promise to the grave when she died seven years ago...   
  
Dumbfolded by this revelation, Vanessa, Zero, and Yugi had finally went back home. Vanessa hadn't truely recovered by placing everything he had in that duel and she refused the offer to stay longer on the island...  
  
She could not duel anymore. She went insane...insane enough to hurt others.  
  
She then received some cards [Doppelganger (magic), Black Magician, Magician of Black Chaos, Ritual of Black Chaos Magic (magic), Axe of Despair (magic), Malevent Nuzzler (magic), Cannon Soldier, Black Magician Girl, Solomon Wishes (trap), and Mirror Force (trap)] in hopes to at least get her to duel again for the enjoyment once more...  
  
(Author's Note: All of them are official cards...save for the Doppelganer. You'll see later why that black copy cat is here.)  
  
But she can not. Not after that duel. So those cards, along with the rest of the cards she collected in her decks were never to be placed onto field once more.   
  
****  
  
"Uh Vanessa..." Zero said as he looked at his friend, "should we be getting to the gameshop any time soon?"  
  
Vanessa then shook her head as she looked towards Zero.  
  
"Sorry Zero," Vanessa replied, "I just was thinking about..."  
  
"The battle with Pegasus? Yeah...that was the most impressive duel I seen you faced...but you never dueled another person anymore after that battle. What happened in there?"  
  
"I tried to kill someone Cecilia cherished with all her heart. She must truely hate me for that."  
  
"Vanessa, it wasn't your fault. Everyone gets jealious at times and she'll probably forgive you because it's Christmas."  
  
"I don't know. You think so?"  
  
"I know so. Now let's go see our old friend Yugi once more."  
  
"Right. I still can't believe that kid can beat the crap out of Paul."  
  
And so the two set off as Vanessa placed her deck back in her jean pocket. Zero was holding the presents the two of them were set to give to their friend and both of them walked towards the local game shop in Domino City.  
  
****  
  
What holiday story will be complete without the holiday bustle and rush of the shoppers in the holiday mall?  
  
Those mages were returning with their holiday gifts.  
  
"Chaos..." the Black Magician began, "I can't believe you bought 'that' for the master."  
  
"Hmm," Chaos replied, "if this gift doesn't give that message loud and clear, then I don't know what will."  
  
"Wouldn't it be a little chilly for her to wear?"  
  
"I don't think so...unless you want to wear it."  
  
"No thank you!!!"  
  
"But I think it suits your eyes perfectly, Blackie."  
  
"Chaos..." the Black Magician said as he looked at him, "you may be a great and powerful user of the black arts...but will you at least stop acting like you have a sexual urge for at least one day?!!! It's the holiday for little innocent kids, not for perverts like yourself!!!"  
  
"I can't Blackie. Now Master doesn't need us in duels anymore, it's the only thing I get up for. Instead of a fresh cup of coffee to wake me up, a perfectly fine fu..."  
  
"CHAOS!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF RA, THIS IS AN INNOCENT 'PG-13' FIC!!! WILL YOU PLEASE STOP CONTAMINATING IT WITH ALL YOUR 'DIRTY LITTLE THOUGHS' THAT SHOULD BE IN A 'R' RATED FIC?!!!"  
  
"Phooey...you're no fun."  
  
The violet hair mage growled as he held his emerald staff. If it wasn't for the holiday cheer, he would have obliberated the chaotic mage right now.  
  
But then....  
  
"Jiggly!" a familiar voice cried.  
  
Cringe.  
  
No...that could not be. Please don't let it be.  
  
Oh, but it was....  
  
The vile pink puffball had return, appearing in front of the two mages, and leaping toward the mage.   
  
"Jigglypuff!" it cried out.  
  
The Black Magician gave an earth-shattering scream as the pink puffball have him a holiday warming hug...  
  
The icey blue eyed violet hair mage had screamed again.  
  
Mr. Jiggles was back.   
  
****  
  
In candy store in the mall, two Toon creatures, a magician and a fairly large red dragon were purchasing such delightful holiday treats for a present for a small friend.  
  
"You're buying holiday treats for Kiki?" Toon Magician Girl asked as she looked up at him.   
  
Ryo-ran blushed a shade of red.  
  
"Yes I am..." Ryo-ran replied as he held the gift-wrapped box of chocolates, "us dragons have a sweet-tooth for these delightful holiday goods. I was hoping to buy Sugoroku's homemade banana nut rubarb bread, the warm chewy chocolate macendania nut cookies, and the ginger snaps for Kiki, but the people at the bake sale said he never showed up with them."  
  
"What?! That's awful."  
  
"I feel like I've disappointed Kiki, so I hope she would like these holiday chocolates instead...but not as much as she would enjoy Sugoroku's cooking."  
  
"Then don't puchasing it! We'll go to the Turtle game shop where the Pharoah lives and we'll ask for a batch of whatever we want! I'm sure they won't mind!"   
  
"Oh...okay! Let's go!"  
  
The Toon dragon placed the box back down as he and the Toon Magician Girl headed out of the store and going straight towards the Turtle game shop.  
  
****  
  
Yes. Dragons have a sweet-tooth when it come to the holidays...but here is some advice for those who owe a a dragon or two...  
  
Do not give a Blue Eyes White Dragon a 20 ft long candy cane.  
  
Tidus winced as Tobias, Excaliber, Daisy, Mokuba, Taz, Celtic Guardian, Dark Rabbit, Chi Chi and Jounouchi were watching the powerful legendary Blue Eyes White Dragon...  
  
Getting his tongue stuck to the massive candy cane.  
  
"You just couldn't wait till we got it indoors, nee?" Excaliber said  
  
"Oh shupt wup," Tidus growled, "cawn't yoe swee I'm stuwck?!"  
  
"Ha!" Tobias, the cackling Red Eye Black Dragon, cried, "And you deserved it! I wish I had a camcorder for this kodak moment of a Blue Eyes being stuck like the idiot he is!"  
  
"HEWY!!!  
  
"Jou," Mokuba said she he look up at the blonde, "maybe you shouldn't summoned your Red Eyes for this problem."  
  
"Ha," Jounouchi replied, "I've got this under control. Go Flame Swordsman!"  
  
And with that...the legendary flame swordsman appeared, wielding a powerful fiery sword. He held it as he looked towards the Blue Eyes.   
  
This caused Tobias to be afraid...very afraid.   
  
"Waz he's gunna du wit da sworde?!!!" Tobias cried.  
  
"Simple" Jounouchi said, "He's going to use it to cut the candy cane off you."   
  
"KUT?!!! I DUN WANNA BEE KUT!!! QEEP HIM AWAY FROM ME!!!"   
  
And then a chase began with a Blue Eyes White Dragon that's stuck on a candy cane with a Flame Swordsman after it. Everyone was looking at this slight chase...sighing.   
  
"Hoo boy," Daisy said.   
  
****  
  
Next Chappie: More mall mayhem! Wee!!!  
  
Oh yeah...and review please. Thank you.  
  
-The Clow Hatter 


	5. And Now For Something Completely Differe...

My Grandpa Got Ran Over by a Blue Eyes White Dragon  
  
Note: The most stupidest X-mas ficcy I'll ever write. Featuring pretty much all the cast of Yu....  
  
Okay...I'm sick.  
  
Sick and tired of seeing writters saying they're grand duelists...  
  
AND THEY DON'T HAVE ANY KNOWLEDGE OF THE CARDS OR MAKE THEIR OWN CARDS UP!!  
  
And worse...  
  
Instead of dueling, they daydream of wanting either the main character or and other duelist in bed with them...  
  
*cries* Itai yo! Itai yo!!! *clutches her head*  
  
Therefore, I have come up with this Yu-Gi-Oh/Duel Monsters Quiz in hopes that there is any FEMALE OUT THERE THAT KNOWS HER CARDS AND NOT WHAT A GUY LOOKS LIKE!!!  
  
****  
  
Part One: It's time to...DUEL!!!  
  
Chi Chi: BYATCH!!!  
  
CHI CHI!!!!!  
  
1. Before even starting a duel, what should players do first?  
2. Name all the 6 properties any magic or trap card can have?   
3. What cards are forbidden to have in your deck and even in your side decks?  
4. What is the official number for a person's deck to be in order to play in duels?  
5. Can you name all four starter decks? (English & Japanese)  
6. Name the first two cards in Yugi's starter deck.   
7. What are the 5 elements any creature card can have?  
8. Okay. There's another dragon that makes himself knowm in Kaiba's starter deck. What is it? (And no! IT'S NOT ANOTHER F***ING BLUE EYES!!! Bakes!!!)   
9. When a duel begins, how many cards do players pick up to begin?  
  
Part Two: Name That Card.  
  
Pegasus: I see blue...I see white...could it be? Ah yes. I see the Blue Eyes Dragon...  
Chi Chi: Oh. Big whoop. I can predict "that"! And I don't even owe a milliuem eye!  
Everyone Else: *looks at Chi Chi and sweatdrops*  
  
-There will be a slight description of the card. Guess what card I'm describing.  
1. Place me face up, pick a card and gain 500 life points in doing so. What trap card am I?  
2. I love digging graves, especially in your opponents' graveyard. I sometimes pull out a magic card and I can even pull out a trap card for you to play back into the game. What trap card am I?   
3. Piss me off and I elimate all your opponents' monsters with a stroke of lighting! What magic card am I?  
4. Fly like an eagle...when I'm on the field, you can quickly pull out and play any Ritual Magic card from your deck onto the field. What creature card am I?  
5. Without us, Yami can't hide his Black Magician. We are four of a kind and we fit all sizes. What trap card am I?   
6. I'm a cute widdle black bunny...but with the help of my master, I'll knocked down that sappy clown! Hee hee! What creature card am I?  
7. I can copy any card and be any card I want to be. Pegasus loves using me. What magic card am I?  
  
Part Three: Toons, Toons, Toons  
  
Chi Chi: *can't talk, is busy chasing his tail* Hee hee hee hee!!  
  
1. Name all the Toon Creatures. (Hint: There is about 10 of them. One toon does appear in Pegasus' deck, but does exists.)  
2. There are 2 Toon Magic Cards that did not appear on the show. What are they?  
3. And what do they do?   
4. Which Toon creature doesn't have any defense?  
5. If you been reading the Yu-Gi-Oh manga, what volume/book did "Toon World" finally fall down?  
6. And if you been listening very well..what two cards did Yugi used to destroy it?  
  
Part 4: My Polymization Card is Going Nuts on Me!  
  
Yami: And by fusing Joey's Red Eyes and Kaiba's Blue Eyes, I give you the Purple...   
Barney: *appears* Hiya boys and girls! Let sing a song. I love you...you love me....  
Seto/Joey: *looking at the montrosity with gawking mouths*  
Chi Chi: *singing like Eminem* So everybody, just follow me. Cause we need a little, controversy. Cause it feels so empty, without me...  
  
-I'll give you the name of two creatures in an equation. The answer that they sum up to is a Fushion creature, which is the answer that you must give.  
1. Summon Skull + Red Eyes Black Dragon = ???  
2. Petit Dragon + FireGrasss = ???  
3. Flame Manipulator + Masaki, the Legendary Swordsman = ???  
4. Curse of Dragon + Gaia, the Fierce Knight = ???  
5. Blue Eyes White Dragon + Blue Eyes White Dragon + Blue Eyes White Dragon = ???  
6. Relinquished + Thousand-Eyes Idol = ????   
  
Send your answers by email at yinggirl@yahoo.com AND NOT BY POSTING YOUR ANSWERS IN A REVIEW!!!!! If I see one review that does happens...  
  
Kaiba-boy gets killed in the next chappie. And swear I SHALL KILL HIM!!!! And I don't mind making it painful and sick and deranged that gets me kicked off FF.net.  
  
I don't have any feelings for the blue eye suck up d...  
  
****  
  
Gomen about that. I'm really geting POed with "Seto and his hoard of prancing bimbos" showing all over the net and trying to contaiminate it with their praise to the CEO.  
  
Chi Chi: You need to calm down...  
  
Yeah I do Chi Chi. See ya guys later in the next chapter.   
  
-The Clow Hatter 


	6. They are gonna kill Data

My Grandpa Got Ran Over by a Blue Eyes White Dragon  
  
Note: The most stupidest X-mas ficcy I'll ever write. Featuring pretty much all the cast of Yu-gi-oh and Vanessa from "I'm a Coward." With Yaoi and Anzu bashing and pointless stuff. A spoof of "Grandma got ran over by a Reindeer", but less saner. Whee!!   
  
ENJOY!   
  
Okay, I was watching Yu-Gi-Oh and watched the Tea/Anzu vs. Mai battle and it's official...  
  
I really hate her, due to the fact she doesn't know how to use RARE cards properly and gives this idiotic friendship speech, which is really pointless, when she pulls "Shining Friendship". A blonde can duel perfectly than Tea!!! No offense, Mai.  
  
Okay, I have a question for the readers. If I do a Anzu vs. Vanessa what system should I use?  
  
The Duel-disks...which Vanessa uses it to whack Kaiba-boy relentlessly since the jerk says they can withstand "anything".  
  
Or that huge duel holographic board?  
  
In other news, I hate English mangas!!! In Clamp's series "Wish", they turned the angel into a GIRL!!!!  
  
But...he's really a guy and he really does have the looks of the guys. Those bastards...   
  
Now I wonder what the hell will the vicious dubbers do when Yugi faces Jou in Battle City? In the end of that duel, Jou admits his love to Yugi...not the Yami. If they make Jou into a girl....  
  
I'm so burning everything of Yu-Gi-Oh that I posess.  
  
****  
  
"Jiggly!" Mr. Jiggles said.   
  
"You!!!" the Black Magician hissed.  
  
"What the hell is that puffball Blackie?" Chaos asked at he looked at the putrid puffball.  
  
Mr. Jiggles gave another hug onto the violet mage.  
  
This caused the Black Magician to run hysterically around the mall as he screamed obsenities with the pink puffball on him.   
  
****  
  
Meanwhile, the local gameshop swung its' doors open as Vanessa and Zero entered the shop. The smell of baked goods was all over the place. The two boys, Yugi and Yami, who lived in this quant gameshop quickly came downstairs to greet the two. Apparently, there was a little "accident" in the kitchen...  
  
Not an destructive accident. After baking a batch of Sugoroku's chocolate macendania nut cookies, there was still some left over gooey cookie dough...  
  
And well, if you're a yaoi fan...you know what happened. I can't tell ya since it was a little bit naughty and I'm trying to write a fic that doesn't corrupt the youth as much like the media does!!!  
  
And plus, last time I wrote a yaoi scene in a PG-13...a lot of reviewers still didn't recovered from it, especially Yugi. So no yaoi fics you'll be seeing written by me.  
  
"Vanessa!" Yugi cried as he ran towards the two.   
  
"Heya kid," Vanessa replied with a sly grin, "ya missed us?"  
  
"We've brought gifts from us and the other duelists back at home," Zero said as he held the bag and sniffed the air, "we hope you'll like...wow, something smells good here."  
  
"Yeah..." Yugi replied, "we've been baking all day and helping grandpa with his bake sale."  
  
"If Steve and Gerneral Tao was here, this store will be pratically demolished by their obsession with food."  
  
"Hmmm..." Yami said, "they sound like Jounouchi and Honda."   
  
"Honda??" Zero asked in confusion, "Jounouchi?? And I thought we had weird names in our club."  
  
"No..." Vanesa commented, "we only have weird people."  
  
"That's true. Hey Yugi...where is your grandpa anyway? Does he know you're in this store alone?"  
  
"Yeah he does," Yugi said, "and Sugoroku had left for bringing goods to the sale...but he haven't returned yet."  
  
"Wow...that's odd."  
  
The door of the shop swung open once more as two new customers appeared. The red dragon that wore pieces eggshell was waving his tail in glee. He had finally found the store.  
  
"Yay!" the Toon Magician cried out, "We found it! We found it Ryo-ran! Now you can buy those treats for Kiki!"   
  
The fairly large dragon held onto his wallet as he swung slowly to face Yugi. The dragon toon lowered his head to he can face the young boy face to face.   
  
"Excuse me sir," Ryo-ran began very politely, "I had a bit of trouble at Domino City's bake sale. Apparently, your grandpa never showed up and I was hoping to purchase his delightful treats for a very special friend for the holidays."  
  
"What?!!!" Yugi cried out, "Grandpa never made it?!!"  
  
"No, he has not and everyone else is worried. Without the money made by selling Sugoroku's holiday treats, the city may not reach its' goal of 60,000$ they wanted to fund for Domino City orphanage."  
  
"Eek!!" the Toon Magician Girl cried, "That's awful! Those poor kids! Who'll will do such a vicious act?!"  
  
Then the door swung open again...speak of the devil.  
  
"Guys!! Anzu cried as she continued her "innocent crying diva" act, "I saw with my very own eyes of Seto Kaiba unleashing his Blue Eyes White Dragon onto Sugoroku!!!"   
  
"WHAT?!!!" everyone else cried.  
  
Perfect, Anzu thought, they are all falling for it.  
  
****  
  
And so the chase of a Blue Eyes White Dragon with a 20 ft long candy cam came to a close. Even though the Flame Swordsman was small compared to the Blue Eyes...  
  
The dragon couldn't see where it was going....  
  
Therefore, it ran into a tall Christmas pine tree and shatter the massive candy can into pieces. Snow and chucks of the candy cane were flying all over the place...  
  
And the Red Eyes Black Dragon was on his back, laughing hysterically.  
  
"Oh my god!!" Tobias cackled, "This is the best Christmas I ever had!!! I can't believe Blue Eyes White Dragons are this stupid!!!"  
  
Tidus returned to the group, walking in shame as pine quills were stick in his face. Tobias continued laughing like a crazed hyena. The Flame Swordsman placed his sword back in his sheath as Jounouchi called him to return back into his deck.  
  
"This is what you get for opening presents early," Excaliber muttered as he looked at the other white dragon.  
  
"But I was gonna share it..." Tidus replied.  
  
"Uh huh," the Dark Rabbit commented, "and I'm a purple parrot."  
  
Tidus began to rub his face...trying to remove the pine quills and sticky candy that smeered itself on his face. Tidus was going to smell like those car freshners for weeks.  
  
"Where's Setyo?" Chi Chi asked.  
  
Before anyone could reply...police cars appeared onto the scene. A swat team also appreared to confront the two legendary Blue Eyes White Dragons.  
  
"Way to go..." Daisy replied, "now the police are onto you!!"  
  
"What?!!" Tidus cried, "I never knew opening Christmas presents earlier is a crime!!!"  
  
But it wasn't that. The swat team launched their nets onto the dragons. Instantly, the flying nets snare the two legendary Blue Eyes White Dragons. The dragons were more confused than angry with these snare nets on them.   
  
"Hey!" Mokuba cried out as he looked around, "What's going on?!"  
  
An officer came and confronted the group while the swat team tried to pin down the massive dragons.   
  
"I'm sorry kid," the officer said, "but these Blue Eyes White Dragons are under arrest and so shall your brother, once we get him."  
  
"Under arrest for what?" Celtic Guardian asked.  
  
"For the attempted murder of Mr. Sugoroku Mutou."  
  
"WHAT?!!!!" everyone else had cried out.  
  
****  
  
Mai, a strong female duelist who uses Harpie Ladies in her deck, had finally admitted it.  
  
She was a "coming out of a closet" lesbian and had a steady relationship with Anzu. Then Anzu became a true distrepectful bitch who wanted vengance on a Yami, Yugi, and that girl Vanessa. Who do brunnettes have to be so...  
  
No, Shizuka wasn't bad. Nor wasn't Honda or Cecilia's childhood friend, Vanessa. Vanessa was a clever duelist. She may look like a common nerd who seems to know nothing about dueling, but Mai was proven wrong. Vanessa defeated Mai's Harpie Ladies with a neglected Harpie...the Harpie's Brother.  
  
So Mai found herself a new love blossoming when she befriended Isis Isthar.   
  
Yet Malik didn't mind that his sister was dating a hot blonde. Strangely enough, he was highly interested in the relationship.   
  
Pervert.  
  
After doing the shopping, Mai, Isis, Shizuka, and the rest of the gang were in the food court discussing an important matter at stake.  
  
"They're killing off Data in the latest Star Trek movie," Otogi began.   
  
"Data?!!!" Honda cried out, "Why does Data have to die?!! Why couldn't they kill that annoying Jar Jar Binks?! Now that's a Sci-Fi character that needs to die!!"   
  
"But Data too cute to die..." Shinzuka replied, "for a human-like android. Like remember the episode when they gave Data his own family?"  
  
"Yeah I remember. That was so cool."  
  
"We can only say that Data can truely now rest in the hearts in the true die heart fans that rekindle the Star Trek philosophy," Isis said.  
  
"Amen," everyone else replied.  
  
"But I wish they didn't kill him," Cecila pouted, "that's still me..."  
  
Before the group continued, their eyes caught a blue eyed violet hair mage who was screaming in vain as he ran passed the group with a giggling pink puffball that had a pink curl in his hair and big green eyes...  
  
"Get it of me!!" the Black Magician cried as he ran, "Get it off me!! GET IT OFF ME!!!"  
  
"Jigglypuff puff!!!" Mr. Jiggles continued.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"   
  
Everyone was shocked at the odd confront that just passed them by.   
  
"I'm not asking," Pegasus said, "nor will I bother looking why that happened. Some things were never meant to be touched..."  
  
****   
  
And no one has been able to sucessfully answer my quiz correctly. Yay for me! Should I add more Kaiba-boy bashing?  
  
Review, review, review! Let's make it have a lot of reviews just like "Death to Mr. Jiggles"!!! Whee!   
  
-The Clow Hatter 


	7. Ohh, Yaoi Fun for All!

My Grandpa Got Ran Over by a Blue Eyes White Dragon  
  
Note: The most stupidest X-mas ficcy I'll ever write. Featuring pretty much all the cast of Yu-gi-oh and Vanessa from "I'm a Coward." With Yaoi and Anzu bashing and pointless stuff. A spoof of "Grandma got ran over by a Reindeer", but less saner. Whee!!   
  
Okay...due to the season and FF.net down....  
  
We present you...THE MUSICAL CHAPTER IN OUR INSANE CHRISTMAS FIC!!! So come on and sing along! Enjoy!  
  
****  
  
And so, the journey of two yamis. One a theif and one who wants to rule the world along with their represented hikaries...  
  
And a golden Toon deity who was cheerfully flapping his wings.  
  
"Gah..." Bakura muttered, "I hate Christmas."  
  
"Christmas isn't so bad..." Malik replied, "I mean we're all together, like the good old days..."  
  
"And if weren't for this stupid author to write 'Dog Days'...I WOULD HAVE STILL HAD THAT FRICKEN EYE!!!"  
  
Uh oh.   
  
Well, after saying that phrase...the white haired yami was instantly struck by lighting, screaming in agonizing pain as the others watched...gawking at the sight. Where ever that bolt of lighting came from...  
  
It gave a sign that it did truely hurt.  
  
Hey Bakura, next time...DO NOT PISS THE AUTHOR! Unless you want the rabid fangirls after ya. Got it?!!!  
  
"She dun wike you..." the Toon Dragon Ra cried as he pointed to the charred Bakura. This caused Bakura to growl at the small golden griffin cub.  
  
"I hear something..." Ryou said.  
  
"Hear what?" Malik asked.   
  
"Hear...what?" Isthar also asked as he looked at Ryou, noticing the innocent boy was quite delightful for the eyes. Okay...so maybe turning the world into an eternal pit of darkness wasn't such a good idea.  
  
"HEY!!!" Bakura growled, "LAY OFF MY HIKARI!!!"  
  
"I hear...." Ryou began, "I hear...hear those sleigh bells jingle-ing. Ring ting tingle-ing too..."  
  
"Come on," Malik chanted as he wrapped his arms around Ryou, "it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you..."  
  
"HEY!!!!" Bakura hissed, "OFF THE HIKARI, NOW!!!!!!"  
  
"Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling 'You Hoo'. Come on, it's lovely weather, for a sleigh ride together with you..."  
  
Malik made his point as he nuzzled next to Ryou, kissing his neck softly. This caused some of Bakura's shadow powers to give him a dark and eerie glow as he glared at the two hikaris.   
  
"Give it a rest Bakura..." Istar said as he looked at his friend, "let them be. Giddy-yap giddy-yap giddy-yap let's go! Let's look at the snow! We're riding in a Wonderland of snow!!"  
  
"I'll show you a 'wonderland'," Bakura replied, "and that wonderland is called the SHADOW REALM!!!"   
  
"Giddy-yap, giddy-yap, giddy-yap...it's grand...Oh what the hell!"  
  
The darker half of Malik jumped onto Bakura and...  
  
This is a PG-13 fic and that's a little naughty yaoi scene. So I can't tell ya what those boys were doing...but you probably know by now. All I know that Toon Dragon Ra was watching all of it...  
  
Curious of why his masters really liked white hair boys...a lot.   
  
****  
  
Then the door swung open again...speak of the devil.  
  
"Guys!! Anzu cried as she continued her "innocent crying diva" act, "I saw with my very own eyes of Seto Kaiba unleashing his Blue Eyes White Dragon onto Sugoroku!!!"   
  
"WHAT?!!!" everyone else cried.  
  
Perfect, Anzu thought, they are all falling for it.  
  
"Okay..." Zero began, "I knew Seto was heartless and insane...but not this ruthless! He has Mokuba on his side."  
  
"Are you sure it's really is Seto?" Yugi asked as he looked at Anzu.  
  
"Of course!!!" Anzu snapped, "Now come on and get to the hospital!!!"  
  
She then looked at the others, then turned to faced Yugi and the love of her life...Yami.  
  
"Excuse me..." Anzu said softly as she looked at Yami in hopes to get his attention, "but why do you have a bunch of freaks in your store?"  
  
"We're not freaks, my dear lady!" Ryo-ran cried politely, "Toon Magician Girl and myself are loyal Toon creatures who live under the White Knight's rule, or as you call him in the human realm...Pegasus."  
  
"And the other two?" Anzu turned to face Zero and Vanessa.  
  
"I'll answer that," Zero said, "we're friends of Yugi when he was staying in Montreal to hide from Pegasus. I'm Zero and this here is Vanessa, a great artist and also a great duelist too...but she kinda stopped when she fought Pegasus."   
  
"Did she lose?"  
  
"No..." Vanessa replied, "I won....but I can't duel anymore."  
  
"HA!!!!" Anzu cried as she look and Vanessa, "You're pathetic!! You won't duel anymore because you 'won'?! What kind of idiot stops playing after they defeated the creator of the game?!"  
  
"You wouldn't understand. I almost lost myself in that duel..."  
  
"Why don't you do your decks a favour and sell them who duelists who need those cards?!!!"  
  
Silence. Everyone else was shocked with Anzu's mouth...especially Yugi. Zero dropped the bag of gifts as Vanessa looked down.  
  
Anzu smirked as she folded her arms, still keeping her eyes on Vanessa.  
  
"And you should be lost!" Anzu cackled, "The world doesn't need another weak patheic loser who mopes around because she was in love with A DEAD WHORE!!!!"  
  
SLAP!!!!  
  
****  
  
Everyone else was shocked more than before. A red mark was on one of Anzu's soft cheeks. The blue eyed brunnette was massaging the branded sore red spot.  
  
Vanessa, the other brunnette and wore glasses, had backhanded the cute innocent friendship ranting wretch.   
  
"Well," Ryo-ran commented, "that wasn't very nice."  
  
"Wow Vanessa," Zero replied, "I never knew you can throw those powerful type of bitch-slaps."  
  
Vanessa looked to face Anzu. Her body was somewhat shivering.  
  
"I may be a pathetic artist..." Vanessa began, "I may be a crappy player with good cards, but...don't you dare talk bad about my friends, especially Cecilia-chan!!!"  
  
"But look at them!!!" Anzu pouted, "You're friends with a dumb blonde who thinks he's a dumbass Megaman character and a midjet who's the only obstacle in my way of getting close to the man of my dreams!!"   
  
"HEY!!!" Yugi and Zero cried out.  
  
"But forget about that...what's important is we get to the hospital now and we can sue Kaiba for lots and lots of money...enough to have his cooperation to ourselves!!! We can make our favourite cards into montrousity powerful cards!!!"  
  
"But why would we want his cooperation for?" Yugi asked, "We're fine with what we have. Right?"  
  
"Yep..." Vanessa chanted, "because it ain't paradise to put up a parking lot."  
  
And everyone else did agree with the young boy. Anzu sweatdropped as she looked at it.  
  
"You're all idiots..." Anzu muttered.  
  
After that, the two toons, the yami with his hikari, the duelists from Montreal, and...Anzu...left the shop and headed towards the local hospital.  
  
****   
  
.....  
  
I'm sorry everyone. I cannot finish this chapter....  
  
Nor finish with this fic as promised from email to a good friend...  
  
I just got word that my dad leaving this Christmas morning to head to Mexico City...  
  
His mother died and he'll be out of my life for one week...  
  
Even if he caused so much trouble and pain in my life....  
  
Why am I crying that he's leaving?  
  
WHY THE HELL AM I CRYING?!!!  
  
......  
  
Happy Holidays everyone and wishes for the best for y'all for the new year.  
  
-The Clow Hatter 


	8. The Chapter Where the Author Gets Anothe...

My Grandpa Got Ran Over by a Blue Eyes White Dragon  
  
Note: The most stupidest X-mas ficcy I'll ever write. Featuring pretty much all the cast of Yu-gi-oh and Vanessa from "I'm a Coward." With Yaoi and Anzu bashing and pointless stuff. A spoof of "Grandma got ran over by a Reindeer", but less saner. Whee!!   
  
Three things I want to mention:  
1. I bought myself both starter decks and a Kuriboh for 5 bucks. Now I'm ready to duel and get some good magic & monster cards from "the heart of the cards"...or what he's reffered to as "Paul".   
2.I'm not going to do a yaoi fic. Period. By the way, Jou and Pegasus starter decks will hit here in Feb. 2003. Yay!  
3. Whoever said Seto was raped by Toons...I'm not using it in my fic. I have a good friend who was molested by a clown when she was a kid. Now she gets panic attacks when she see "clowns" on TV.  
  
****  
  
And another thing...  
  
THE BITCH NAMED "MALK" MUST PERISH!!! HOW DARE THAT INSENITIVE LITTLE WHORE CONTINUES HARESSING ME WITH THE FACT I RUN AND OWE AN ANTI-CHIBI USA SITE?!!! NOT TO MENTION, SHE THINKS I'M SOME BLOOD PRISSY MARY SUE!!  
  
I'M PISSED!!!   
  
WELL FUCK HER, AND HER ASSHOLE CHI USA WORSHIPPERS FROM HELL!!! CHIBI USA IS A LITTLE SLUT WHO PRATICES INCEST WITH HER OWN GODDAMN FATHER!!! AND WHEN SHE REALIZES SHE CAN'T HAVE HIM, SHE FALLS FOR AN OLDER MAN WHO CAN TRANSFORM ONTO A HORSE!!! THE HELL?!!!  
  
Yami: Clow!! This is a "PG-13" fic!!!  
  
WELL, FUCK IT!! IT'S "R" NOW!!! Bob, wherever you are...I need your hacking skills...NOW!!!  
  
Anyways...make me happy FOR ONCE IN MY PITIFUL LIFE!!!   
  
Please go to http://www.angelfire.com/realm2/anti_c_u and give that site 10,000 hits...or more. I want to prove to the world I have a decent Anti-Chibi Usa AND NO WHINNY CHIBI WHORE WILL GET IN MY WAY EVER AGAIN!!!!!!  
  
****  
  
-Card of the Chappie-  
  
Okay, like I said earlier...I bought both starter decks for 50.00$ and I paid for a Kuriboh. I was hoping to get the Dark Magician tin that had the lovely manga style Dark Magician card, but they didn't have it. Oh well, at least I got my Kuriboh and my Lord of D. *grins*  
  
And with Paul, I'll get a Ryo-Ran and a Hyozanryu. Plus magic cards like Shield and Sword, Horn of Light, and Chorus of Sanctuary. He as lots of those cards...and I'm hoping to at least owe one of each. Another guy also has a Dragon Piper. Yay!  
  
So why did I buy Kaiba deck? I really should be kicking myself in the head for that cause I loathe that insensitive asshole...  
  
Not to mention he abuses Blue Eyes White Dragons big time, especially when he used Oblisk on them. I hate people who do that! I hate people who abuse their own creatures for their sick repulsive amusement!!  
  
But he has a dragon I really really like and I see no one playing with it in their duels. This card really comes in handy when someone unleashes a "Crush Card Virus" or "Cyber Jar" because it's a level four monster and it has an attack of 1500, so it doesn't get affected by both.  
  
That's a good thing!!  
  
Not to mention, it was the second dragon introduced in the TV series.  
  
You guessed it. It's the Koumori Dragon. It's so dark and pretty. If you use Reinforcements and equip with Malevent Nuzzler or Dragon Claws, then summon Witch's Apprentice onto the field too...the Koumori Dragon can become powerful too afterwards.   
  
Not bad for a level 4 monster.   
  
I wanna start a dragon and spellcaster's deck because I think may have a better chance in my duels. But I'm not stupid. I need really good magic and trap cards too to back it up as well.  
  
Now we returned to your regular scheduale fan-fic already in progress.  
  
****  
  
It's begining to look a lot like...  
  
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" the Black Magician cried as he still had the purtrid puffball on him.  
  
"Jiggly!!" Mr. Jiggles cried.  
  
"That's it!!"  
  
The mage had enough being a bitch to the pink thing. So he grabbed the puffball from Hell and threw the pink putrid thing...  
  
RIGHT ACROSS THE PARKING LOT!!!  
  
It's horrid cries were heard in the air as it flew across the park cars. The magician sighed to himself. Finally he won't have to deal with that "thing" anymore...  
  
"Oh Blackie!" a familiar voice cried out.  
  
The Black Magician turned around. The other mage had appeared.  
  
"Chaos..." the Black Magician muttered, "why didn't you help me get rid of it?!!"  
  
"I dunno..." Chaos began, "I didn't feel like it and what the hell was that thing anyway?"  
  
"Long story. I'm just glad it's finally gone."  
  
"I see. Perhaps we should find Master-chan. I can't wait to see her try on her gift!!"  
  
"Hoo boy..."  
  
****  
  
Elsewhere in that parking lot.  
  
"Anzu..." Kemo said on the cell phone, "Mr. Jiggles had failed to stop the Black Magician."   
  
"WHAT?!!!" Anzu yelled from the cell, "THAT BLOODY POKEMON WAS OUR ONLY CHANCE TO RID THE BLACK MAGICIAN!!!"  
  
"Yeah...so what now? The Big 5 wants you to take Kaiba down and out."  
  
"I will, I will! The police got the dragons...now all they need is Kaiba-boy!! Who would ever thought that cute innocent Shinning Friendship Anzu owes a Blue Eyes White Dragon of HER OWN?!!! Ha ha ha!!! Soon Kaiba-boy will perish...FOR A CRIME HE DIDN'T COMMIT!!! And I shall take over!!"  
  
"I shall wait for the day you take over."  
  
"Yes...now go and stop those mages from getting near Vanessa!!! They are her most powrful cards in her deck!!! Don't fail me now!!!"  
  
"Of course, lady."  
  
Kemo closed the phone and began to load his handgun. He was going to make sure those mages will not interfear with Anzu's plans.  
  
But...what he didn't know was a little winged dragon had listen to the entire convesation!!! Her small blue eyes were round while her small face puffed with anger.  
  
"I can't believe it!" Kiki whispered to herself, "I knew that Anzu girl was up to no good! It's a good thing I had tagged along with the mages. I gotta tell someone about this...but who?"  
  
The petit dragon placed her tail near her mouth as she began to think.  
  
"I got it!!!" Kiki cried, "I know he'll help me! His eye can see that I'm not lying!! I gotta get him! It's the only chance I've got to save Seto!!!!"  
  
And so the small dragon flapped her wings vigeriously as she began to take flight. She flew into the shopping mall...in search of the legendary White Knight.   
  
****  
  
Anzu closed her cell-phone and sighed.  
  
Great. Just great!!! Those mages were not dead!  
  
And now she was in a waiting room with Yugi's fucked up friends. Damn, if Yami wasn't around...she would sweetly get rid of these idiots with her own living and breeding monsters.  
  
They all needed to die..especially Vanessa. What's with that girl? She defeats Pegasus, has rare cards in her deck, and she refuses to duel because of that?!  
  
She must me a retard. It's the only reason she won't duel.  
  
Zero looked at her.  
  
"Hey Anzu..." Zero said, "who did you call?"  
  
"It's none of your business!!" Anzu snapped.  
  
"Hey...Yugi and his friend might be a while in there. You wanna duel to speeed up the time?"  
  
"All right."  
  
Anzu and Zero brought out their decks and began dueling on the table. Toon Magician Girl decided to join in by watching the two of them dueling. Ryou-ran turned to face Vanessa.  
  
"I hope Mr. Mutou comes out well," Ryo-ran said, "I can't believe Seto Kaiba will order his dragons to do such a thing. It...  
  
"It just doesn't make sense," Vanessa replied.  
  
"Exactly. In the Shadow Realm, I known those legendary dragons that Seto owes and they only listen to their own master orders when he's dueling and that alone. The dragons are really friendly...when they are not dueling."  
  
"I know. Dragons are great creatures, but people tend to abuse them alot and only care to have powerful dragons...not caring about the weaker ones in their deck. I kinda told that Seto guy off when I was dueling him. I was so angry on how he summoned his beautiful creatures and he wanted me to be afraid of them. But I wasn't afraid. So...I placed a Change of Heart onto it, which lead the three headed dragon and my Black Magician into attacking Seto ruthlessly and making me win. I don't think he likes me for doing that to him."  
  
"It's the truth what you say on people and their dragons. Almost anyone can get a Blue Eyes White Dragon. There are not the pearl of the ocean as they once was. If one has the money...they can owe Blue Eyes White Dragon just like Seto does."  
  
Vanessa turned to face the eggshell dragon toon. Something just hit her.  
  
"What did you say?" Vanessa asked.  
  
"I think I was saying that people can owe a Blue Eyes White Dragon," Ryo-ran replied, "since Seto now owes Obelisk...he had turned his magestic dragons into a normal common monster cards."  
  
That...jerk!!! It was a reason to hate the CEO owe even more than she ever did! But it also means...someone else had summoned their Blue Eyes White Dragon to attack Sugoroku Mutou and not Seto.   
  
For once, the luxerious dickhead was truely innocent in his entire life!  
  
Vanessa then got up from her seat.   
  
"Where are you going?" Ryo-ran asked.  
  
Vaness placed a hand in her pockeck as she gripped onto her deck. There was trouble once more. Perhaps...it'll help her regain a reason why she duels in the first place.  
  
"I'm going to get Yugi..." Vanessa said, "even though I hate Seto Kaiba, I think the jerk was framed."   
  
****  
  
Do what I said earlier. *growls* I MEAN IT!! DO IT NOW!!!  
  
And Indy...if you don't want your spirits to get hurt, especially Scales...please don't let him review. He's acting like those assholes in high school I had to settle with for 6 YEARS!!!  
  
6 years...6 years...6 FUCKEN LONG TRAMITIZING YEARS!!!   
  
In short laymen terms: I'm a homidcial pyshotic bitch right now and I'm into the mood in BREAKING THINGS.  
  
And Scales is just there taunting, saying "You're a worthless pathetic slut who has no life, your father hates you, and you got not job!!"   
  
WELL THIS WHORELESS VIRGIN CAN MAKE SITES BETTER THAN SOME FUCK UP CHI USA FAN WHORE!!!!  
  
Urge to kill...rising...   
  
-The Clow Hatter  
  
Bakura: *grins, blushing slightly* I like her.  
Malik/Ryou/Isthar: *folded their arms* Hmpt! 


	9. Mokuba has Already Learnt Some Real Naug...

My Grandpa Got Ran Over by a Blue Eyes White Dragon  
  
Note: The most stupidest X-mas ficcy I'll ever write. Featuring pretty much all the cast of Yu-gi-oh and Vanessa from "I'm a Coward." With Yaoi and Anzu bashing and pointless stuff. A spoof of "Grandma got ran over by a Reindeer", but less saner. Whee!!   
  
Oh yeah...I do not owe America's Most Wanted, but....  
  
I now am proud of myself that I owe two of the fobbiden God Cards, The God Of Obelisk and Saint Dragon, the God of Osiris. Now I need is my all time favourite God Card, The God of Sun Dragon, Ra.   
  
Toon Dragon Ra: *chirps happily*  
  
I don't want to ever use them in my deck. They are really beautiful and I want to draw them instead of dueling with them. Yet strangely, I feel like I'm getting better in the other games I play in...such as video games and such.  
  
I wonder. Could the legend of "he who owe or posseses the God Cards shall become the 'King of Games'..." have some actual truth? I don't know. It could be and it could not be. Is that why everyone wants them so much?  
  
Maybe it was a fluke or a chance of luck I find the Jap version of those cards at a local store. I could make them as good luck charms since I'm starting to feel a lot better of myself...maybe if I did get my hands on Ra...I'll actually feel like I'm worth something!! Maybe I can beat Paul, and Zero, and everyone else!  
  
Maybe Dad will finally see me an actual person...and he will respect me, raither than yelling at me 24/7.  
  
But like I said earlier, I'm bi-polar. It'll probably lead to my downfall as well and a foolish dream that's been shattered to a million pieces.  
  
Those who abuse their monsters in their deck...shall be destroyed by their own monsters!!!   
  
That's how Pegasus defeats Seto flawlessly and critically wounds Yugi in their duels.  
  
****  
  
The studio was set as the host of AMW was brought into Domino's City Police Department. The two legendary Blue Eyes White Dragons and Chi Chi were waiting in line, as they were being processed as common criminals should be...by taking photos and getting their claw prints.  
  
"This is so humiluating..." Excaliber muttered as he placed his claws over his eyes, "there goes my dreams of entering Harvard. I hope Seto has a good reason for doing this to us!! THIS IS INHUMANE!!!"  
  
"You said it..." Chi Chi replied as his arms were handcuffed.  
  
"Mmmm..." Tidus said as he licked his lips, "peppermint..."  
  
Excaliber turned to face Tidus.  
  
"This is all your fault anyways," Excaliber growled.  
  
****  
  
"Now I can't believe something like this could happen during these days," the host said, "but it did, and now we're own another manhunt to bring another senseless slimeball to justice!!! Seto Kaiba, CEO of the Kaiba Cooperation has commited...perhaps one of the vicious hit and run cases Domino City had ever faced. Earlier this morning at 8 AM, Sugoroku Mutou, owner of the Turtle Game Shop, was helping the community bake sale...but he never returned back to his shop. A few minutes later, Anzu Mazaki, had appeared and saw the shocking revelation as police and media came in. Here she is on the video footage we have of her telling her awful assault."  
  
"It's true!!" Anzu cried on the video tape, "I saw with my own very eyes. Seto Kaiba was there and he cackled with vicious glee as he used his lousy duel disks to bring his dragons to life and attack Sugoroku ruthlessly! Then he tried to sexual assaulted me, but I fought back!"  
  
"YOU LYING BITCH!!! ONI-SAN IS INNOCENT!!!" Mokuba yelled from the background, "HE'LL NEVER DO SUCH A THING WITH HIS DRAGONS!!! AND ALL THREE OF HIS BLUE EYES WERE WITH ME ALL THIS TIME!! WHY THE HELL WILL HE GO AFTER AN ANNOYING SLUT LIKE YOU?!!!"  
  
"Ignored innocent bystanding Mokuba-san, he can't see the truth of his hetrosexual older brother and his darker half. Soon...I'll be his darling mistress and he'll fork the corperation to ME while he rots away in prison for his herendous crime."   
  
"ONI-SAN DOESN'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS TO WHORES LIKE YOU BECAUSE HE A FLAMING CLOSET HOMOSEXUAL WHO WANTS TO HAVE A SERIOUS LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH JOUNOUCHI, YOU FUCKEN BITCH!!!!!"  
  
Silence...  
  
Everyone was quiet and more shocked by the slight "new" revelation that was heard...especially Jou, who was blushing madly. He didn't know that Seto...out of all people!!!   
  
It would explain a whole shitload of things...like why he keeps reffering Jou as a "puppy dog".   
  
"Narf?" the Dark Rabbit asked.  
  
"Uh..." the host began, "yeah. Seto Kaiba, we know you may have all the money in the world...but you cannot escape us because the manhunt for your capture begins RIGHT NOW."  
  
****  
  
Zero was speechless. This wasn't really happening. This has to be some bad dream...  
  
SOME REALLY BAD DREAM!  
  
"Pathetic!" Anzu cackled, "You're even worthless than your little friend who says she defeated Pegasus!"  
  
"You're really mean Anzu," the Toon Magician Girl replied.  
  
"Shut yer trap or my delightful Blue Eyes White Dragons WILL FEAST ON YOU MY DEAR, AND YOUR LITTLE TOON DRAGON TOO!!!"  
  
"Eeep!"  
  
"Wait on a sec..." Zero began as he woke from from his shock, "You owe a Blue Eyes?!!"  
  
"Well no shit Sherlock!" Anzu cried, "Any great duelist should owe a legendary Blue Eyes!!! They're the grestest dragons anyone can ever own!!"  
  
"But if you also owe a Blue Eyes White Dragon, that must mean..."  
  
Before Zero could put the pieces together...Anzu quuickly punched Zero in the face, sending the blonde into slight unconciousness.   
  
"Hey!!!" the Toon Magician Girl cried, "That wasn't really nice!!"  
  
"Buzz off Toon!!!" Anzu growled as she picked a card from her deck...  
  
The Spellbinding Circle.  
  
She quickly unleashed the powerful trap card and binded the child witch. The Toon Magician Girl tried to struggle as Anzu started to leave with her deck...  
  
"Don't get in my way..." Anzu muttered, "now with Colbalt...I shall finally succeed in getting rid of Seto Kaiba once and for all....AND THERE IS NO DUELIST WHO CAN STOP ME!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"  
  
Anzu ran off, leaving the fallen Zero and Toon Magician Girl stuck in their situation.  
  
****  
  
"WHITE KNIGHT!!!" Kiki cried as she flew towards the mall and almost mistaking the mall Santa as him, "WHITE KNIGHT!!! WHITE KNIGHT!!! WHITE KNIGHT!!! WHITE KNIGHT!!! WHITE KNIGHT!!! WHITE KNIGHT!!! WHITE KNIGHT!!! WHITE KNIGHT!!! WHITE KNIGHT!!! WHITE KNIGHT!!! WHITE KNIGHT!!! WHITE KNIGHT!!!"  
  
Shoppers had almost fell onto the ground as the petit dragon flew passed, screaming the "White Knight" in their ears.  
  
"White Knight!" Kiki hollared as she was flapping her small feathery wing uncontrolablity, "We need you White Knight! Anzu is ruining everyone's Christmas and blaming it on Seto!!! We gotta stop her before Seto has to fork over his cooperation to that evil bitch!!! I don't know if Master Vanessa can really stop her since she doesn't duel anymore! Please, White Knight...you got to help us!!!"  
  
Tears started to form Kiki's big blue eyes. She still couldn't find the White Knight...  
  
She failed to find the White Knight.   
  
"W-white...Knight...." Kiki began as she slowly started crying, "White Knight...."  
  
Someone approached the small fluttering dragon...or should it be some hiraki. He went to comfort the small, crying dragon.   
  
"There there..." Ryou said, "We may not be who you wanted, but we can help you stop Anzu."  
  
"Thank you..." Kiki replied as she looked at the group of unknown strangers.  
  
"Help that weak dragon?" Bakura muttered, "NO WAY!"  
  
"Aww..." Isthar cooed, "Someone needs to be reminded of what Christmas is all about."   
  
"EEEP!"  
  
"We'll hewlp!" Toon Dragon Ra cried, "We hewlp stop Anzu! Stop Anzu! Stop Anzu!! Wheee!!!"  
  
"Really?!" Kiki asked.  
  
"Why of course," Malike replied, "I'm sure that everyone in this group wants to see that raving friendship ranting bitch mane to pieces like the whore that she is."  
  
"Oh..." Bakura replied, "if it's Anzu we're going to kill, why didn't you SAY SO IN THE FIRST PLACE?!! I'll love to give that bitch a hell of a good scream!!"  
  
"Oh yeah!" Kiki cried out, "We're gonna get Anzu real good! Come on! Let's get her!!"  
  
****  
  
The two tri-color haired boys were watching over their grandpa from the side of the bed. The doctors say that Sugoroku Mutou may not make it this time...  
  
Yugi didn't want that to happen, but...  
  
Why would Seto want to hurt his Grandpa? Was it still because he owed the fourth Blue Eyes? Yet...Yami already resolved the situation with the heartless CEO...  
  
So Seto really has no reason to assault grandpa. And Anzu...  
  
Anzu wanted Yugi to sue Seto because of that. She wanted Yugi to be the new owner of the company. Just one question...  
  
WHY?   
  
What would Yugi do with a company that's worth over billions of dollars? If he did run it, will he begin acting cruel and heartless...just like Seto?  
  
There was something fishy going on about this "hit and ran over by a dragon" crime. It just didn't sound right at all...  
  
And it definately didn't sound like something Seto will actually do!!  
  
Then two figues appeared into the room. They approached the bed and began to unleash the healing powers onto the grandfather; healing all wounds that were scarred all over the old man. The creatures used magical chants and spells to bring Sugoroku from almost critically dying...  
  
To near full recovery.   
  
Yugi knew who these creatures were and looked up at them.  
  
"Mystical Elf..." Yugi said, "Dian Keto...thank you."   
  
The two creatures then smiled at the violet eye boy as they began to fade away. Yami turned around and found out why those two creatures were here in the first place.  
  
Vanessa was in the room, holding the cards "Gift of the Mystical Elf" and "Dian Keto, the Cute Master" in her hands.  
  
"I thought you weren't dueling anymore..." Yami said.  
  
"I am," Vanessa replied, "but it doesn't mean I can't use my monsters for other things, like helping people. And I feel I will probably have to use my creatures in dueling once more."   
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Vanessa looked at the two of them as she put those two cards back in her deck.  
  
"Someone framed Seto Kaiba," Vanessa said, "there's another person out there who's abusing the legendary Blue Eyes White Dragon for their own dark means and I hate those people...which is why I stopped dueling. I was ordering my creatures to slaughter Pegasus' creatures ruthlessly...and they listened to my orders, especially when I told Harpie's Brother to kill Pegasus. It was her that stopped me from doing so...but what it there wasn't anyone that was going to stop me?!! Everyone would be dead...or worse! I don't want to do that again, therefore...I stopped dueling for my sake."  
  
"It was the only way to stop the mad enitity that was posessing Pegasus' body..." Yami replied, "stop blaming yourself for the way you acted in one duel."  
  
"I'm sorry...I can't. What I faced there...Gods, it was everyone's worst nightmare that had turned into a sick reality."   
  
"Vanessa..."  
  
"And it was my fault too that Chaos decided to join up with Pegasus!!! If I dueled probably better than everyone, maybe that chaotic mage wouldn't do what he did!"  
  
"If you keep up with that attitude...you'll never succeed."  
  
"Sorry..."  
  
Yugi then looked at Vanessa.  
  
"Thank you," Yugi said.   
  
"Stop giving your thanks because I don't need it," Vanessa muttered, "I really don't deserve it. It was all I can do...but I could have done better."  
  
"And get the hospital suspicious of a patient miracliously recovering from being attacked by a dragon?"  
  
"So..."  
  
Before Vanessa could continue, the Toon Magician Girl, who was caught in a Spellbinding Circle appeared at the three.  
  
"Ryo-ran is helping Zero because Anzu punched him out and Zero was realizing the truth!!" the child dark mage cried as she looked at everyone, "Zero must had figured out it was Anzu all along that attacked your grandpa, Yugi...and not Seto!!!"   
  
"What?!" Yugi, Vanessa, and Yami cried.  
  
"And that's not all, after she trapped me in this spellbinding circle..she is going to use her own Blue Eyes White Dragon called 'Colbalt' to kill Seto!!"  
  
"Whoa..." Vanessa sarcastically commented, "Seto being detroyed by his own favourite dragon. Pinch me, I'm dreaming!"  
  
"Vanessa..." Yugi began.  
  
"I'm just kidding."  
  
Vanessa then used a "remove trap" on the Toon Magician Girl and thus freeing her from the trap. Yugi and Yami looked at each other as they nodded in agreement.  
  
Next time, they'll use the peach flavoured lu...  
  
NOOO! NOT THAT!!  
  
It was that both of them agreed that Anzu must be stopped once and for all.   
  
****  
  
Next Chapter: The second last chapter of this ficcy! Where Seto meets a HOMOCIDAL BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON THAT WANTS TO HURT OUR DEAR KAIBA BOY REAL BADLY!!  
  
Crazed Pyshotic Seto Fans: *cries* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
Will Kiki and her new found friends stop Anzu and her dark plans? Or will the evil bitch Anzu will finally succeed? Or will Yami, Vanessa, and Yugi will stop Anzu instead?  
  
What the hell did Chaos "buy" for his master this Christmas?  
  
Chaos: Uh-huh. No peeking.  
  
Will they stop the killing of Data in Star Trek: Nemenis? Does anyone care now?  
  
And who the hell taught Mokuba-san to swear like that?!   
  
Chi Chi: *whistles innocently*   
  
These question and more shall be answered in the next chapter!  
  
-The Clow Hatter 


	10. Yippy Skippy! The Evilness of Anzu!

My Grandpa Got Ran Over by a Blue Eyes White Dragon  
  
Note: The most stupidest X-mas ficcy I'll ever write. Featuring pretty much all the cast of Yu-gi-oh and Vanessa from "I'm a Coward." With Yaoi and Anzu bashing and pointless stuff. A spoof of "Grandma got ran over by a Reindeer", but less saner. Whee!!   
  
Good news...we're near the end of this ficcy! So...enjoy.  
  
****  
  
Some More Scenes I'll Like to See in Yu-Gi-Oh:  
-When Kaiba was presenting himself to the duelists for the Battle City Tourament via his heliocopter...a red-neck accidently shoots him.  
-After making some long thing about the "Heart of the Cards" thing, Yami picks a card that WILL NOT SAVE HIM IN A SITUATION!! Oops.  
-Did we really needed to see a Toon Summoned Skull with lipstick, eyelinder, and glossy eye shadow on as it gave a wink at Yami? What would be really disturbing if Yami pulled out another Summoned Skull...and it was a transvestite!! Then an all out cat fight with the Summoned Skulls while Yami and Pegasus just sit there and watch. O.o  
  
****  
  
The CEO was whistling to himself after returning from another day on the job. No, he wasn't happy that his company was still the most sucessful company ever had...  
  
No..  
  
He was glad he did not see that pyschotic friendship ranting whore who would probably be nagging at him do something "good" for the holidays...  
  
"Hello Seto..." a familiar voice cried out.  
  
Damn it!!! Damn this fic to and the bloody pathetic author to HELL!  
  
"You..." Seto said as he stopped what he was doing and glared at Anzu.   
  
"Well Seto!" Anzu cried cheerfully as she comfronted him, "I'm so glad to see you, especially when you're going to hand you multi-billion company to me!"  
  
"You've got to be kidding me! Why would someone like myself hand over my heir cooperation to an annoying and worthless bitch like you? I do drink, but I won't be drunk enough to fork it over to someone like you!!"  
  
Anzu looked at Seto, giving her him an dark and sinister icey glare.  
  
"Cause if you don't..." Anzu replied, "then Colbalt must deal with you."   
  
"Colbalt?" Seto asked sacatically, "You gave your wimpy Shinning Friendship a name? Are you really that desperate to find someone after realized that the man of your dreams is in love with his own hikari, a person who you've been constantly ignoring?"  
  
Anzu growled slightly. Ooh Seto, will pay for that!!!   
  
"No, Colbalt isn't that..." Anzu said, "Colbalt is..."   
  
Before Anzu could finished, Colbalt appeared to his loving master. As Colbalt landed, a few things began to shake slightly. He then lowered his head as Anzu petted his pearly white scales. Colbalt gave a loud soft growl while Anzu chuckled and continued petting....  
  
HER OWN BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON!!!  
  
Holy shit. Yeah, you can say our Kaiba-boy is fucked now or is he?  
  
"You see..." Anzu began, "you're not the only one who has a Blue Eyes. Colbalt...unlike your other worthless Blue Eyes that you have, DOES LISTEN TO MY ORDERS! And I've order him to hurt Sugoroku and blamed the 'hit and run' on YOU!! Now your three Blue Eyes are all rotting behind bars because of my precious dragon's doing!"  
  
"You bitch!!!" Seto yelled.   
  
"Yes, I am a BITCH!! And that's not all that I am! Go my pretty dragon...KILL KILL!!!"  
  
Colbalt then shaked off Anzu's hands and raised his head into the air. He then opened his mouth and unleashed a devistating blast of white lighting directly at Seto...   
  
****  
  
Another reason why the Black Magician was paired up with Chaos for holiday shopping was the fact that Chaos had a tendancy to flirt...  
  
Flirting with the WRONG TYPE OF PEOPLE!!  
  
Chaos thought he saw this long hair brunnette dressed in black who was just the "perfect" type for his afternoon's quickies.  
  
It turned out to be Chaos' arch rival; The Black Luster Soldier.  
  
No, Chaos did not have any problems with the Black Luster Soldier...it was the other way around. The legendary knight of darkness hated when the dark chaos God, Set, created another creature to down his chaotic powers to get rid of Amon Ra Yami.  
  
Oh yes...and the popularity the fancy black haired mage had.   
  
Somehow, the Black Luster Soldier will get his revenge on the Magician on Black Chaos by taking something very precious from him, but in the meantime...  
  
He then send those two mages flying across the mall with his powerful sword attacks.  
  
****  
  
Yugi, Yami, and Vanessa were out of the hospital. The Ryo-ran and the Toon Magician Girl were carrying out a dazed Zero.  
  
"I am Zero the Batasai!" Zero yelled, "I must avenge my father's death!!"  
  
"Anzu must really hit him that hard," the Toon Magician Girl said.  
  
"That's it," Vanessa replied as she drew out two cards, "no more Kenshin for you. In the meantime, if it's a dragon were fighting against...then dragons we need!! Lord of D, come out!"  
  
The two cards began to glow as the unleashed the spellcaster of dragons, whom was playing his flute. With the flute, not only did the Lord of D summoned two of Vanessa's dragons, Hyozanryu and Koumori Dragon...  
  
But it also summoned forth two other dragons each from Yugi's and Zero's deck.  
  
Curse of Dragon and Winged Dragon, Guardian of the Fortress from Yugi's deck.  
  
Red Eyes Black Dragon and another Blue Eyes White Dragon from Zero's deck.   
  
"How the hell did you get a hold of a Blue Eyes?!" Yugi asked  
  
"Well funny thing happened," Zero began as he chuckled, "when my girlfriend had bought me a Red Eyes Black Dragon tin...it also came with a Blue Eyes White Dragon as well. So I was stuck with it."  
  
"And you didn't use it against Anzu?!!"  
  
"I didn't knew that bitch had a Blue Eyes and I've got mine but it was too late to use it."  
  
Vanessa looked at everyone.  
  
"We need to split up and find what Anzu had done to Seto's dragons," Vanessa said, "and stop her from abusing her own dragons! I know Petit Dragon, the Magician of Black Chaos, and my Black Magician are already out there. I hope they can help us...so we must find them and other people can help us."  
  
"I'll go with Zero and see if we can find Jou...along with the other Blue Eyes," Yugi replied, "maybe we should bring Lord of D along, just in cause they don't believe our story."  
  
"You go do that. Guess it'll be up to me an Yami to fend off Anzu's pyschotic Blue Eyes."  
  
"I'll help too," Ryo-ran said, "I may be a Toon Dragon, but I won't let someone like Anzu get away like this!"   
  
"We'll probably need all the help we got."  
  
"Uh..." Zero asked, "Domino City isn't a small city. How are we going find our friends? And I don't think public transportation will allow dragons on their vechicles."   
  
"Idiot," the Lord of D said, "we ride these dragons."  
  
"Ride?! But don't they..."  
  
"Not at all. It's quite simple to ride these legendary beasts. There are three rules you must follow while riding dragons. One, you can either stand or sit comfortablely on the dragon you wish to ride on. Two, you must have self confidence in youself and your dragon. Finally...you must never look down, other wise your dragon may tend to be distracted and could lead you to your down fall."   
  
"Eep. Vanessa, maybe we should think..."  
  
Before Zero could finished, Vanessa was on the Koumori Dragon while Yami was on his Curse of Dragon and the Toon Magician Girl was on the Winged Dragon, Guardian of the Fortress.  
  
"Hey!" the Toon Magician Girl cried, "This is fun!"  
  
"Meh?!" Zero cried out.  
  
Zero's Red Eye Black Dragon slightly nudged him in the back while Zero's Blue Eyes White Dragon was lowering his head and gesturing the young Yugi to ride him.   
  
"Hey okay!" Zero chuckled, "I'll ride you! You don't have to tickle me with your nudges. I give! I give!"   
  
The black dragon smiled as his master started to get on him.  
  
****  
  
The small group was about to finish up of their shopping. Then Honda turned to face Pegasus.  
  
"Do magicians fly?" Honda asked.  
  
"No..." Pegasus replied, "I don't remember creating a spellcaster that has the ability of flight in Duel Monsters."  
  
"Well, they do now."  
  
"What?"  
  
The Magician of Black Chaos and the Black Magician flew and slammed into the group, which caused everyone to fall down.  
  
"I will never piss the Black Luster Soldier ever again as long as I live..." the violet hair mage muttered as he was on top of Isis and Otogi.  
  
"Ra..." Isis muttered, "get off me!!"  
  
"And I thought Yugi was bad when he used his Black Magician," Otogi replied.  
  
"Oooh hello," Chaos grinned sheepishly as he realized he was on a blue eyed blonde lady, "I don't believe we have meet. How about you and me spend some time together? It'll be quite fun."   
  
"Excuse me?" Cecilia asked.  
  
"LAY OFF MY WIFE, YOU PEVERTED BLACK MAGE!!" Pegasus growled as his golden eye began to glimmer with power.  
  
"THE WHITE KNIGHT?!!!" the Black Magician and Magician of Black Chaos cried as they quickly got up along with everyone else.   
  
Shit...this was not a good time to piss the White Knight, especially after almost getting their asses kicked by a black soldier of chaos.  
  
"The 'White Knight'?" Shizuka asked.  
  
"It's a nickname the creatures from the Shadow Realm tend to give me since I seemed like a saviour to resurrect them once more," Pegasus began, "but I think I've regretted in ever doing so."   
  
"HEY!!" Chaos cried, "Well, at least once I admit my love to Master-chan...I'm sure she will graciously accept it...just like's a romantic dream coming true."  
  
"Would you please give it a rest?!" the Black Magician asked, "Master is very different than the other girls!!"  
  
"Which makes her very easily to claim as my own! Maybe I can help her return back to duel once again!"  
  
"But Chaos, what you plan for the master is to fuc..."   
  
Before the Black Magician could continue, Kemo had appeared with a gun.  
  
"Finally I got a hold of you mages," Kemo said, "now I'll stop you from trying to get near your master so Anzu can get rid of Seto and take over his cooperation without you two interfearing!"  
  
He then aimed his gun at the mages, wondering which mage he should shoot first. Both Chaos and the Black Magician sweatdropped.  
  
"We're magicians..." the Black Magician said, "not deer. But since you want to stop us..."  
  
The Black Magician then pulled out his staff and began doing twirls while flipping his staff into the air. Everyone was watching the little act...  
  
Then after being amazed my the act...the violet hair maged used his staff to whap Kemo on his head and causing the flunky body guard to collaspe.  
  
Everyone else was clapping.  
  
"Now..." Chaos began, "if what Kemo said was true...then we do need to help Seto and get to our master right away!"  
  
"It's the truth..." Pegasus said as the golden eye returned to normal, "Kemo never knew how to keep his mouth shut at times, which is why I fired him."  
  
"Quickly!!" Honda chanted, "To the Batmoble!!"  
  
"What 'batmoble'?" Mai asked.   
  
"Uh...nevermind. I just always wanted to say that in a dramatic situation like this."  
  
****  
  
Three dragons were flying across the city, carrying their masters on their backs and another dragon joined along with them. All of the dragons were seaching for Anzu and her own Blue Eyes White Dragon.  
  
Vanessa turned to face Yami.  
  
"What's Anzu problem?" Vanessa asked.  
  
"She can't admit the fact that the one she truely desires is in love with someone she truely loathes," Yami replied as he held onto his Curse of Dragon, "ever since then, she's been trying to seperate my hikari and myself with ridculious hair-brain scemes that always back-fire on her."  
  
"Well, what the hell does Seto have to do with this?"  
  
"Think about it," Ryo-ran began as he flapped his wings, "Seto Kaiba may be a heartless insensitive asshole...but he has lots of resources such as technology and money. Perhaps, if Anzu does take over his company, she could finally succeed in litterally controlling Yami to be her man servant for the rest of his life."  
  
"That bitch!!!" Yami yelled, "Can she actually DO SUCH A THING?!!"  
  
"If one got the billion of dollars to do so," Vanessa commented, "I guess those people were right when they said 'money is the root of all evil'."  
  
Before the dragons could continue, a blast was then heard. It sounded like a dragon alreading unleashing his powerful attack.  
  
"Guys," the Toon Magician Girl said as she was on the Winged Dragon, Guardian of the Fortress, "I think we found Anzu and Colbalt."   
  
****  
  
The officer from the police department walked towards the group.  
  
"We're sorry for the arrests of your dragons," he said as he looked at everyone, "someone told us that it was all one big lie done by Anzu Mazaki in order to frame Seto Kaiba in hurting Sugoroku Mutou."  
  
"I knew my brother was innocent all along!" Mokuba cried.  
  
"You're all free to go."  
  
And so the three Blue Eyes White Dragons were freed from their large handcuffs. Tobias was slightly upset when he heard those dragons were free.  
  
No, it's not that he hated them. He just hated Tidus trying to get underneath his scales 24/7  
  
"All right!" Daisy replied, "Hear that Chi Chi? You're innocent! You didn't be a bad boy today."  
  
"WHOO HOO!!" Chi Chi yelled as he jumped in the air enthusiacally.  
  
"But..." Jou asked, "who the hell helped us during this time? Was it a Christmas mircle?"  
  
"And I thought I was too old to believe in mircles, Jou-boy..." a familiar voice replied.   
  
Cringe. Not again. Jou and Mokuba saw who had already helped them...Pegasus and the others.  
  
"Blackie!!" the elven guardian cried as he saw the violet hair mage.  
  
"Celty!!" the Black Magician replied.   
  
And so, the Celtic Guardian leaped towards his favorite mage and lover. The two of them were foundling and caresing each other with warming kisses and such.   
  
This caused the blue skinned black haired mage to slightly bite his lip. He wish he could have done that to the master...  
  
But she will never let him do such a thing...because she was never taught how to love. The master always followed by her head, insticts, and knowledge. She never followed her heart whatsoever...  
  
Perhaps that's why she's so empty.   
  
She would be paralyzed by his gaze or even fliched in fear. Chaos liked when enemies did so...  
  
He didn't like when his master did that at all. It made all those times he pleased the Harpie Ladies or any other monster seem as a vicious act.  
  
Chi Chi looked up at Chaos.  
  
"Something wrong?" Chi Chi asked.  
  
"Nothing..." Chaos muttered, "it's just that my master is a true coward."  
  
"That's bad."  
  
"Yes...yet, it is..."  
  
"Hey!!" Zero cried as he and Yugi ran to see the others, "What about us?!"  
  
"How did you guys get here so fast?" Honda asked as he looked at them.  
  
"We used our dragons..."  
  
"No time how we managed that," Yugi began as he looked at everyone, "Anzu is attacking the town with her Blue Eyes White Dragon! She probably used to frame Seto in the first place!"  
  
"WHAT?!!" everyone else replied.  
  
****  
  
The blast was finished. Anzu had a devious smile on her face. She was happy that she finally got rid of that vile CEO...  
  
Then her smile turned into a frown when Seto was still standing. Right in front of Seto was another creature was stranding and had taken the blast...  
  
It was a small golden griffin that was embeded with jewels and had a few bruises from taking the electrical attack. It wore a white short sleeve top that had the picture of the sun as a bandage was on its' solid gold beck. The creature almost looked like the legendary and most powerful final God Card there was...  
  
The God of Sun, Dragon...  
  
"Toon Dragon Ra!!" Malik cried as he ran towards the small golden griffen cub and held it in his arms, "You could have gotten youself hurt!"  
  
"But I helwped saved Seyto, didn't I?" Toon Dragon Ra chirped as he waved his tail, "We had stop Anzoo from hurwting wothers."   
  
A Toon...  
  
Cringe.   
  
Seto didn't want to see this. HE DID NOT WANT TO BELIEVE THIS!!  
  
No, Toons were diabotical vicious creatures that prey on helpless mindles Toons for their own sick amusement! They play with themselves...AND RIP EACH OTHER TO PIECES!!!  
  
Toons do not help people...  
  
They hurt other...  
  
They HURT!!!  
  
A dark pain surged back to Seto, cause the blue eyed brunette to shiver into a slight convulions...revealing those dark memories once again. Those same memories he was trying to hid from everyone, especially Pegasus!!   
  
Ryou, Anzu, Colbalt, Malik, Kiki, and Toon Dragon Ra were looking at the badly somewhat horrified Kaiba.  
  
"It's just a fricken Toon," Bakura muttered.  
  
"I'd never knew Seto didn't like Toons," Anzu said, "oh well, Colbat...I order you to..."  
  
"Not so fast!!!" Kiki said as she lunged at Anzu and bit her by the hand.  
  
"OW!!! You little wyrn!!!"  
  
"That's Petit Dragon to you!!" And Kiki bit Anzu's hand harder, causing Anzu to hiss in pain.  
  
Vanessa and Yami had quickly arrived with their dragons. Anzu stopped winced in pain to gaze at Yami romatically...  
  
The glared when when another woman was with him.  
  
"YOU!!!" Anzu cried.   
  
"Master!" Kiki cried out, "You've made it!"  
  
Anzu was walking towards Vanessa, glaring at her.  
  
"You..." Anzu growled, "You've...STOLEN MY YAMI!!!!"  
  
"What?" Vanessa asked as she got off her Koumori Dragon.  
  
"That's how you defeated Pegasas...you must had used his aid to defeat the powerful creator!!"  
  
"I don..."  
  
"SILENCE!!!" Anzu yelled, "You did! Or else he won't be here with you now!! Therefore...instead of killing Yugi....I SHOULD BE KILLING YOU!!!"  
  
And after saying that, something dark and twisted happened...  
  
Anzu started to crack...BIG TIME.  
  
****  
  
Next Chapter: The Bitter End. Enjoy. Whee...  
  
-The Clow Hatter 


	11. We're Near The End, Folks!

My Grandpa Got Ran Over by a Blue Eyes White Dragon  
  
Note: The most stupidest X-mas ficcy I'll ever write. Featuring pretty much all the cast of Yu-gi-oh and Vanessa from "I'm a Coward." With Yaoi and Anzu bashing and pointless stuff. A spoof of "Grandma got ran over by a Reindeer", but less saner. Whee!!   
  
****  
  
Anzu was walking towards Vanessa, glaring at her.  
  
"You..." Anzu growled, "You've...STOLEN MY YAMI!!!!"  
  
"What?" Vanessa asked as she got off her Koumori Dragon.  
  
"That's how you defeated Pegasas...you must had used his aid to defeat the powerful creator!!"  
  
"I don..."  
  
"SILENCE!!!" Anzu yelled, "You did! Or else he won't be here with you now!! Therefore...instead of killing Yugi....I SHOULD BE KILLING YOU!!!"  
  
And after saying that, something dark and twisted happened...  
  
Anzu started to crack...BIG TIME.  
  
"Let me explain!!" Yami began as he go off her Curse of Dragon, "  
  
Before Yami could continue, Anzu had hired Colbalt to fire his attack once again...causing the former 5,000 year old pharoah spirit to go flying and slamming viciously into a parked car. The Toon Magician Girl quickly ran over to help him.  
  
"Whoo!!" Bakura chanted, "Hit me!! Hit me!!"  
  
Anzu grinned as she did. Colbalt fired again and stuck the two "I wanna take over the world" yamis, but..  
  
He also struck the two hikaris as well. The white haired teen and the tanned blonde collasped onto the ground with bruises covering their body. Anzu cackled with glee as she loved the site of loved one being hurt...  
  
"Hey!!!" Isthar hissed, "That wasn't part of the plan!!!"  
  
Anzu didn't care. She then used Colbalt to attack the two yamis with another devistating blast!!   
  
Now everyone will feel her "nice" pain of how Yami broke up with HER!!!  
  
"That wasn't very nice at all!" Ryo-ran cried out.  
  
"You...." Kiki growled, "MEANIE!!!"  
  
The Petit Dragon was about to bite Anzu again...but Anzu smacked the dragon away. Another creature the brunette had caused to go flying.   
  
"Kiki!!" Ryo-ran yelled as he caught the small dragon in his claws.  
  
The Petit Dragon was definately knocked out. Her small eyes had turned into mini spirals that went round and round and round...  
  
Well, you get the picture.  
  
"This is too rich!!!" Anzu cried out, "I can't believe I'm up against such WEAKLINGS!!! How can these pathetic people ever become duelists is quite a mystery to me. Or is Duel Monsters a game for the stupid?"  
  
Weak...  
  
Pathetic...  
  
Stupid...  
  
Those were the same words that Vanessa's father always used.  
  
Father...  
  
Vanessa then pulled out her deck and pulled out a card from it. It was her favourite magic card...  
  
"Ra..." Vanessa began, "ra...ra...RAIGEKI!!!"   
  
Out of nowhere, a massive blast of lighting appeared and stuck down the legendary white dragon as it was mere lizard...compared to the massive power that Raigeki held.  
  
Anzu backed away as she looked at Vanessa. Colbalt, the indestructable dragon, was destroyed by a mere shock of lighting...but how?!!  
  
"You've abused the purpose of your monsters..." Vanessa began, "almost like I did one time."   
  
"Don't you dare compare yourself to me, wretch!!" Anzu replied, "I'm much better than a pesky hispainic whore who can't duel for shit!! You better apoligize for smacking me and destroying my precious Blue Eyes!!"  
  
"I'm sorry...but it isn't for slapping you or hurting your dragon..."  
  
"What?"   
  
"I'm sorry for the way you treated your creatures!!!"  
  
Anzu looked at Vanessa while she pulled out another creature.  
  
"YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!!!" Anzu hissed as she unleashed another creature.  
  
It was no guess what it was. Vanessa started screaming as the creature unleashed his powerful spell from his blue staff. Every inch of her body was struck with a dark pain causing her to scream louder as she weakly fell onto her knees.   
  
The creature then threw his attack at Winged Dragon, Curse of Dragon, and Koumori Dragon...turning those three legendary dragons back to their card form once more.  
  
Anzu smiled again. Her own Black Magician appeared and stood next to her.  
  
"You're not the only one that owes a Black Magician..." Anzu smirked, "and soon you won't be needing a Black Magician to save your worthless hide!!"   
  
****  
  
Tobias and Tidus were shocked while both were out of the police station.  
  
Right in front of them was another Red Eyes Black Dragon and another Blue Eyes White Dragon. The black dragon was licking the white dragon and the white dragon was giving a comforting soft growl as it nuzzled the black dragon.  
  
"I'm seeing things....right?" Tobias asked as he looked at everyone.  
  
"Yeah..." Tidus replied, "it has to be some trick...right?"  
  
"No..." the Lord of D said, "those dragons definately do seem like they are enjoying each other company."  
  
"But..." Tobias whimpered, "Red Eyes and Blue Eyes are supposed to hate each other?!"  
  
Zero looked at everyone.   
  
"I guess you've already met my dragons," Zero said, "yeah, those two can be real friendly at times...just like me and Daisy."  
  
"Or Jou and Seto..." Mokuba commented.  
  
Jounouchi's face went red again.  
  
"Uh..." Shizuka began, "maybe we should find Kaiba before my brother ends up being cherry red for Christmas?"  
  
"But how will we find Seto or Anzu?" Isis asked as she looked around.   
  
"You follow the damn dragons, ya fucken morons!!!" Chi Chi cried out.  
  
"CHI CHI!!!" everyone cried as they looked at the three foot tall Blue Eyes.   
  
"What? It's not my fault that you duelists are a bunch of idiots."  
  
"You can always count on Seto to teach his dragon some insults," Honda replied.   
  
Chi Chi just rolled his eyes. This was going to be a long day...  
  
****  
  
Vanessa started to get up, but before she could get on her feet...the blue suited mage blasted her once again!  
  
She screamed louder than before. Her voice was getting worse as the agonizing pain returned twice as painful as before. She was back on her knees once again...her body weakly trembling and blood trickling down her face.  
  
"You just don't get it..." Anzu began, "you can't seemed to realize that I'm the greatest brunette duelist that there ever is and will be!! If you do get up...my pretty rare Black Magician shall blast you again and again!! And I don't think you can survive another 'black magic attack'...like you did for the first two."  
  
Vanessa slowly started to get up again.   
  
Anzu sighed as she watched Vanessa getting back onto her feet once more. So Anzu then let her Black Magician to unleash yet another of his attacks on Vanessa again...  
  
But this time...it did not hit her.  
  
Toon Dragon Ra got in the way. The small ground griffin cub collasped onto the ground after taking another hit from a great and powerful creature. Vanessa then went up to the small creature, kneeling beside it and holding it in her arms.  
  
"Why...?" Vanessa asked.  
  
"The dragoon told me to stowp Anzoo..." Toon Dragon Ra weakly replied, "I just wanted to helwp."  
  
The creature closed its' eyes...never to open them again.  
  
No...this can't be.  
  
Vanessa wrapped her arms around the golden creature as she brushed her face in his feathery mane and gripping onto the creature. There was no sound of life coming from the small creature.  
  
For the first time, Vanessa started to cry for someone. Normally, she was taught that crying was a sign of weakness...  
  
But what this griffen did was no sign of weakness. It was a sign of courage. She knew her creatures always sacrifed their lives to protect her while playing Duel Monsters...  
  
"Oh look," Anzu replied sacastically, "the ragweed is crying."  
  
Vanessa stopped what she was doing and placed the cub down. She then pulled out her deck from her pocket as she got up for the third time. She looked at Anzu and her Black Magician as her body was weakly trembling...  
  
It was time to repay back those monsters that protected her.  
  
"I'll never forgive you..." Vanessa muttered, "I'll never forgive you for what you did!!!"  
  
"Hmmm..." Anzu smirked, "what do you got in your deck that can stop my powerful Black Magician? And if you try to used Magician of Faith to get your Raigeki back...I'll destroy her before she can retrieve that card!!"  
  
"Who says I was going to use Raigeki again?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I summon...Hoshiningen!!!"  
  
Hoshiningen appeared and Anzu look at the star shaped fairy...then back at Vanessa.  
  
"You got to be kidding me!!!" Anzu cried, "You're placing a star fairy against my all powerful Black Magician?!!"   
  
"Hoshiningen has a special ability..." Vanessa began as she revealed another card, "but with this card I got from Pegasus...Hoshiningen will be really powerful and can critcally wound your magician...just like you wounded everyone else."  
  
"As if! What card can do such a thing?!"  
  
Vanessa threw the card down and before Anzu could figure out what it was, a black tail was appearing from the card. Then it turned out to be a bizarre black kitty cat, giving out a cheshire grin.  
  
"Magic Card..." Vanessa replied, "Doppleganger. It has the ability to become any magic, trap, or monster card that it wants to become and was already played onto the field. There was a reason why I placed Hoshiningen. That 'star' fairy increases attack power on all light creatures by 500 and decreses the attack power of all dark creatures by 400."  
  
"WHAT?!!!" Anzu yelled.  
  
"So kids, wanna guess what creature Doppleganger wants to become?"  
  
The demented black cat grinned as it nodded its' head. It then began transforming...causing Anzu's jaw to drop as she looked at the creature that doppleganger had become...  
  
Her own Blue Eyes White Dragon was right in front of her!!!  
  
"If you abuse your creatures..." Vanessa said, "you'll be destroyed by them. Blue Eyes...ATTACK NOW!!"   
  
The magestic white dragon unleashed its' devistating attack onto the Black Magician. Not only did it defeated the mage...but it killed off the cyndical bitch once and for all.   
  
Vanessa then collasped as she dropped her cards.  
  
She done it again. She went out to defeat someone and killed them in the process.   
  
She didn't wanted to do that...   
  
****  
  
Anzu was no more. What was left of the twisted cydincal bitch was nothing than a mere black brunt corpse onto the snow covered ground.  
  
Everything else was coming back to normal as Vanessa's creatures retuned to playing cards once again. The rest of the dragons and the gang had arrived arrived, only to see Seto coming out from his shocked state. Ryou, Malik, along with their yamis were getting up and comforting each other as well.   
  
"What..." Yami began as he started to get up.  
  
"I think Vanessa was fighting Anzu," the Toon Magician Girl began.  
  
"Did she...?"  
  
The Toon Magican Girl gave no reply. She witness Vanessa fighting off Anzu...but taking those attacks that caused Vanessa to be weaken already.  
  
Meanwhile, Kiki was getting up. The Toon Ryu-Ran blushed slightly as he held the awaking petit dragon in his hands. Kiki gave a slight yawn, causing the eggshell wearing toon to smile.  
  
"What happened?" Kiki began, "All I can remember that Anzu was..."  
  
"It's okay," Ryo-ran said, "your master saved us, but she..."   
  
Then...Chi Chi started glowing. So did the fallen Toon Dragon Ra.  
  
"Chi Chi?" Daisy asked, "What's going on?"  
  
Before the three foot tall dragon could reply...the glowing magical barrier was unleashed on the two Toons, turning them back to their original state....  
  
The God of the Sun, Dragon Ra, gave a victorious roar as he spreaded his golden wings to the skies. He was next to another creature who was looking at his true status....  
  
Seto's youngest and third legendary Blue Eyes...  
  
"Chiriko," Tidus and Excaliber said.  
  
"Well, I'll be damned..." Malik said as he went to pet his power deity, "killing Anzu brought our creatures to normal."  
  
"And about time too," Ryou replied, "Bakura was about to cook Ra for his New Year's Eve Dinner."   
  
Everyone then glared at the white haired yami. Bakura then just gave a slight whistle and started to look innocent.  
  
Chiriko looked around his body and features...realizing they were quite bigger than his regular body that he had grown attached too. Tobias and Seto were looking at Chiriko. The two never realized that a pint size wrasically Toon Dragon could turn out to become one of the most lustrious white coated sapphire eyed dragons that those two have ever seen.  
  
Chiriko looked different than other Blue Eyes White Dragons. For starters, most Blue Eyes had some blue pigment mixed in their scales to make their entire body seem blue and light gray. It made them looked fierce and also helped them blend in with the skies at times.  
  
Chiriko's body was a purely white and did not have this pigment. His eyes were shinning like the deepest blue sapphires, which looked like they were engraved into his skull.   
  
"Chi Chi..." Daisy began as her eyes started to filled with tears. There was no way this pink yoshi could be with her friendly Blue Eyes Toon Dragon any longer.  
  
"What happened?!" Chiriko cried as he looked at his body, "Why am I not little any longer?!!"  
  
"This is your true form," Seto replied, "now I can truely summon the greatest creature of destruction once more and no one will be able to stop me!!"  
  
"All right!!" Tidus cried, "I can't wait to become that once more! Now Tobias will surely go for me again!!"  
  
"The legendary beast?" Excaliber replied at he pondered to himself, "Let's hope when we are summoned to become the chaotic dragon, Master Seto-san will not play any mean tricks on use."  
  
Destruction? Chiriko looked at his claw-like hands. He was truely a beautiful creature...he was a legendary Blue Eyes White Dragon, for crying out loud! A dragon who served under the High Priest Seto in ancient times and still does today!  
  
But...  
  
Something in this dragon didn't want him to becomes a destructive creature. Chiriko saw it in Daisy's tears. Daisy was his first true friend he ever had.  
  
"I..." Ckiriko said, "I don't want to be a Blue Eyes White Dragon..."  
  
"What?" Seto asked with a blank stare on his face.  
  
"I want to watch Funny Rabbit episodes!!! I want to get myself into crazy adventures in order to save the Kabias from any danger!!! I want to drive cruise ships all around the Duelist Kingdom, 24/7!!!"  
  
"So 'that's' why the ship was acting up like that," Pegasus replied.  
  
"I want to challange duelists and use my humor to kick their asses!" Chiriko continued, "I want to make new friends to join me on these zany adventures and I want to fall in love for the first time!! I want to annoy Seto with every opportunity I got because he's got the job I've always wanted to have...protecting Mokuba-san! But more importantly..."  
  
"Which is?" everyone else replied as they looked at the white dragon.   
  
"I want to be Chi Chi again...Chi Chi, the BLUE EYES TOON DRAGON!!!"   
  
Pegasus smirked as he pulled out his deck. He looked through his deck and pulled out the one card that turned the legendary Blue Eyes into a demented fun loving three foot tall Blue Eyes White Dragon.  
  
Toon World.  
  
"Don't you dare!!!" Seto hissed as he looked at Pegasus, "I finally got my third Blue Eyes back!!! I don't want that crazed Toon Dragon back again!! He always tries to KILL ME!!!"   
  
"Well..." Pegasus said, "you dragon thinks otherwise."   
  
And Pegasus threw that card at the unsuspecting Chiriko once more...turning the magestic legendary white dragon into Seto's worst nightmare once again...  
  
Chi Chi.   
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Seto yelled.  
  
Chi Chi jumped into Seto's arms.   
  
"Ohh..." Chi Chi cooed, "Kaiba-boy does miss me!!"  
  
Chi Chi then gave the blue eye brunnette a smooch on his lips...causing, pretty much everyone snickering at the sucessful multi-billionare and causing a mere puppy dog to be slight jealious.  
  
****  
  
The black hair blue skinned mage noticed his master was on the ground. He was picking up her deck and cards and placed them in the master's jeans pants pocket. The master did not make a move and the chaotic mage found out why....  
  
His master was bleeding in some places while there were some bruises around her body. She was also very cold...so very cold.  
  
He picked up the fallen lady, craddling her in his arms, and looked towards her with his cat-like amethyst eyes.  
  
"Master..." Chaos said.   
  
No reply.  
  
"Master..." Chaos began as he slightly bit his lip, "this isn't one of your tricks of playing dead, isn't it?!!!"  
  
Still no reply. Damn it! Her body felt like a large frozen food tray! And she was still getting colder...  
  
The mage held onto his frozen master. Fuck no!!! He won't let his master die on him like this!!! Especially during these holidays where it was the perfect time for people to be warming up each other up...   
  
NOT TO DIE BY FREEZING TO DEATH!!!!  
  
Hyozanryu, Kiki, Lord of D, the Black Magician, and Celtic Guardian all had their eyes on Chaos...who was holding the frozen female master.   
  
"MASTER!!" Hyozanryu yelled.  
  
"Chaos..." the Black Magician said, "you didn't..."   
  
"He didn't do anything to our master," Lord of D replied, "he found our Master like this."   
  
"She must had collasped after defeating Anzu!!" Kiki cried, "That bitch! I'm glad that Master killed her with her own dragon!!"   
  
"What's with our Master?" Celtic asked, "She's not..."   
  
"She's not dead," Chaos replied as he looked at the monsters, "but I'm taking her with me and I want no interruptions from either of you. She needs to be warmed up and there is one sure way to help her get warm."  
  
"What do you mean by that, Chaos?" the Black Magician replied, knowing Chaos was up to something.   
  
Chaos then left the group with the master before he could reply to them. He was going to help his master to "get warm".   
  
****  
  
And the ending is in the next chappie! I'm such an evil bitch nee?  
  
-The Clow Hatter 


	12. What Christmas is really about

My Grandpa Got Ran Over by a Blue Eyes White Dragon  
  
Note: The most stupidest X-mas ficcy I'll ever write. Featuring pretty much all the cast of Yu-gi-oh and Vanessa from "I'm a Coward." With Yaoi and Anzu bashing and pointless stuff. A spoof of "Grandma got ran over by a Reindeer", but less saner. Whee!!  
  
It's the final chapter and it'll have sex in here! Is that a good thing? No seriously, this is the last chapter. The notepad ran out of memory space to fill this part in. So enjoy this if you love sex.  
  
****  
  
Some Silent Hill References that are in Yu-Gi-Oh  
  
SILENT HILL  
-The Flarous. A mystical relic which traps Alessa and it looks like the Milliuem Puzzle on Yugi's neck.   
-In the Child's Room in Nowhere...one of the five relics to open the door is an ankh.  
-The symbol of Sammael appears a lot in this game, nee? So...can anyone tell me why the Milliuem Ring has simillarities to that sign?   
  
SILENT HILL 2  
-At least we we found another character who has a longing tio be with his dead with just like Pegasus. James Sunderland, the main character in Silent Hill 2. But unlike Pegasus, James is being lured by a conception created by Sammael in Silent Hill.  
  
****  
  
After Anzu death's, the rest of the gang had settled together throughout the holidays. Everyone had someone to share the endless cold nights and used each other to warm themselves, even if the person it was was an unlikely person....or enemy.   
  
Some creatures from the Shadow Realm had found comfort in the company of others just like the humans do or more.  
  
Except...  
  
For one.  
  
The Master.  
  
****  
  
Vanessa was staring up at a ceiling after opening her eyes a few minutes ago. She couldn't feel her body.  
  
Good, she must be dead. She always wanted to...  
  
No. She's not dead. She was in someone's house and was residing on a bed. Blackets were covering her stiff body. She was still awfully cold. At least she wasn't bleeding anymore...  
  
Someone managed to heal her wounds...with magic.   
  
Fuck it.  
  
Shivering still, she tried to move into a more resting position. If she was going to sleep tonight...  
  
Let this cold night be the final one she'll ever endure. Let her at least rest in peace. That's all she ever wanted. A time where she wouldn't have to wake up again to a world that hates her...  
  
SO WHY THE HELL IS SHE NOT DEAD?!!! WHY THE HELL IS SHE STILL LIVING?!! IS IT BECAUSE SHE'S AFRAID TO TAKE HER OWN LIFE LIKE THE FUCKEN COWARD SHE IS?!!!  
  
FUCK!!!!  
  
She clutched onto the blankets. So cold...so very cold...  
  
Merry Christmas everyone...and a fucken happy new year!  
  
So cold...   
  
Just a fucken cold night, like every other night in her damn life!!!  
  
THE EN....  
  
****  
  
"Master," a familiar voice said.  
  
She heard that voice before. It was the same voice that camed to her when she went disillusional in the Graveyard...  
  
A voice that offered her the one thing that she truely wanted, but it told her...  
  
It's not "death".  
  
She clutched onto the blacket tighter still shivering.  
  
"Chaos..." Vanessa whispered.  
  
****  
  
(NOTE: The following may have a scene of sex, which is male/female. DO NOT READ IF SEX OFFENDS YOU IN ANYWAY. GO AWAY FROM IT!! IF YOU DON'T LIKE SEX, THE FIC IS ALREADY OVER. IF YOU DO...THEN DO CONTINUE AHEAD. Thank you.)  
  
The mage sat himself next to the Master. What a lovely catch he found in the snow. Better warm her up to enjoy this holiday tasteful treat.  
  
The black chaotic mage placed his hands onto the covers, pulling them away. Vanessa then sat up, still shivering as she looked at him. Chaos then quickly wrapped his arms around the master, placing his hands on her waist and he started to feel the young lady trembling....   
  
"Chaos..." Vanessa asked in confusion, "what are you doing?"  
  
"You're cold, Master..." Chaos replied as he held her, "so very cold..."  
  
Before he could finish, Chaos started kissing her softly on the neck, then the jaw, which leads to kissing on her light peach coated chapped lips.   
  
The "Master" was shocked of what was going on. She had heard of some rumors of how these creatures that lives in the deaths of the shadows and crave for a wanting to be with the "Master" who they protect...  
  
But never knew it was true. Her cold body finally stop trembling for a moment whe the black mage holds her closely against his warm body and continues his kiss.  
  
The blue skinned mage entered her mouth with his warm wet tongue, running it all over with it...and tasting the bittersweet taste he had tasted once before.  
  
Heh. Master does like eating those red and white coated candy canes, doesn't she? The mage hinted the sweet minty peppermint trail, mixed with her intoxicating taste, and he continues kissing the shocked master.   
  
So that is what Master does when everyone else is enjoying themselves at the fire.   
  
The kiss finally breaks. Vanessa quickly slammed to the bed post, shivering and coughing. She looks at Chaos with a slight of fear within her dark chocolate eyes and a red coated face.   
  
"Chaos?!!" Vanessa cried, "What were you trying to do?! Kill me?!!"  
  
"Master..." Chaos sighed, "like I said before, 'it's a mere kiss and you should get used to them' because you shall be receiving a lot of them from me."  
  
"And I said that I don't deserve them."  
  
"Then pray do tell me why your face is red?"  
  
Silence.   
  
For once, the Master was dumbfolded at the situation. Her face was red as her glasses her starting to fog up.  
  
Was she...enjoying it??  
  
No!!! That can't be!! Men beat up and abuse women!! They wish for women to be their servants. They don't care!!!   
  
THEY DON'T CARE!!!!!  
  
Chaos then placed himself on all fours, crawling towards her.  
  
"So Master doesn't know why her face is all red," Chaos purred, "is it because she's afraid or is it because this little kitten is curious of what I have to offer to heal the cold?"   
  
Run. Get out.  
  
NOW!!  
  
Vanessa, HE WILL HURT YOU!!! HE WILL BEAT YOU!!! HE HATES YOU!!! HATES YOU!!!  
  
But there wasn't any reply for the screams in her head. Vanessa was leaning against the bedpost as the leather cladded mage pounced onto her. He pressed his lips onto the Master's neck, kissing and suckling her tender soft flesh.  
  
He leaned foreward to whisper somerthing in her ears.  
  
"It's not 'death', Master..." Chaos whispered.  
  
Not death....  
  
****  
  
The coldness was going away...  
  
Replaced by a blinding strange warmth all over her body. What was it? She never felt this warm ever before. The warmth did not pose itself as a sickness or threat to her...  
  
The cold was...and this strange warmth seemed to cure it.   
  
It was being nestled in the comfort of blankets when there wasn't any blankets at all. It had to be some great disillusional dream created by her twisted weak mind. It had to be something fake or had to catch have a catch to it.   
  
This was not real...  
  
It was not real.  
  
But...she was blind.   
  
Her mind screamed at her and yelled at her to escape while she still can...but Chaos was not hurting her. Her body wanted more of the blue chaotic mage's touch, rough deep kisses, his gentle caresses....  
  
And like the gentleman he is, he responded to the "wanting" the Master was trying to hide, but failed miserably in doing so.   
  
****  
  
The young short hair brown eyed lady was on the bed...while the chaotic mage was on top of her, unbuttoning her shirt and then doing the same for her jeans. It was like revealing a wrapped christmas present and screaming in childish joy when the gift turns out to be something you've always wanted...  
  
Chaos grinned. He definately liked this gift. So the Master does have a figure underneath those baggy clothes that she commonly wears all the time. Interesting.   
  
"I'm no d...d-duelist..." Vanessa weakly said, "I'm a coward...a true coward."  
  
"That you are, Master..." Chaos replied while placing soft kisses on her, "now why don't you relax and let me warm you up once more?"  
  
"Warm up once more? What to you mean..."  
  
Too late.   
  
She figured out what it was when her face went entirely red and giving out a slight squeek as the chaotic black mage continued to taste his "holiday treat".  
  
****  
  
(NOTE: It's over! Yay!)  
  
Elsewhere two legendary deities were peering through the window, watching the turning into a lustrious sex within the building.  
  
"Chaos had served me quite well," Set said as he crossed his arms, "not as well the Black Luster Soldier had, but well enough. If Horus didn't depleted me from my manhood, I shall be the one in bed pleasing that young lady and not my black mage."  
  
"Congradulations my sire," Anubis replied as he was holding his scales and wore an ankh "you may become a grandfather of Chaos."  
  
"Hey!!!" the scales cried, "Will you two pip down?! Some of us are trying to enjoy this lovely porn masterpiece right in front of us. Yay Chaos! You're da man!"   
  
"I can't believe this!!" the ankh cried, "The author is corrupting our image and the youth by letting this smut into this holiday fic! This is so wrong!! We're destroying the true meaning of Christmas by leting sex roam free!! Stop the madness! Stop reading this fic!!! Save yourselves and your innocence!!!"  
  
"That's why it's a 'R' rated fic, ya moron!!!"  
  
"Anubis! Scales is picking on me again!!"  
  
"God! You're such a pussy!"  
  
"Anubis!!"  
  
The two deities watched as they were looking at the spirits that were residing in the scales and ankh were brawling with one another...like they did for 5000 years.  
  
Okay...maybe making all the legendary Milliuem Items have spirits in them was probably a bad idea in the first place.   
  
THE END  
  
****  
  
Thanks for kendrilian_kenobie_admeral_8 and seph_the_dark_saiyajin for helping me with the sex scene.  
  
Now, excuse me...I'll be taking a very cold and long shower.  
  
-The Clow Hatter 


End file.
